According to Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, trust is the basis of a solid relationship. And not only in romantic relationships, but in every friendship or even partnership. If we don’t trust people, we can’t have a deeper connection, we don’t feel comfortable opening up to them and, long story short, I am sure you have heard it in some movies - “if we don’t have trust, we have nothing.”
Additionally, trust is crucial to have in relationships; earning it takes time, but it’s very easy to lose. So if you have a person who you know that you can trust deeply - cherish them!
More info: Reddit
It’s annoying when you notice that your closest person doesn’t trust you
Image credits: julie aagaard (not the actual photo)
Woman asks if she was being a jerk for taking her fiancé's dinner after he touched hers
Image credits: Alone-Panic-3630
Image credits: Lara Jameson (not the actual photo)
She says that her fiance is blind and also gets mad if she orders different food, so he’d randomly touch her plate to check it
Image credits: Alone-Panic-3630
However, finally, she snapped on him and took his plate, saying that she was taking it for her dinner
Image credits: Alone-Panic-3630
This led to a big argument and opinions differed on who was being a jerk in this specific situation
A woman recently shared her story to one community asking its members if she was being a jerk for taking her fiancé's dinner after he touched her plate in order to check if she ordered the same dish as him. The post went viral instantly and in 2 days it had almost 22.5K upvotes and more than 3.6K comments.
She starts her story by explaining that her fiancé is blind, and they don’t disagree a lot, though he always gets mad if she eats different food than him every time they go out. From time to time, he would touch her plate to check, which had caused huge arguments, but he promised to stop doing this. However, a few nights ago, the couple went to eat out and ordered the same dishes.
Then suddenly, the man decided to touch the food on OP's plate, just to ‘make sure’. And that’s when the woman snapped. She shares that she was feeling grossed out and thus took his plate for her dinner. Then the whole argument became a big fight that ended with the man leaving to stay with his friend who sided with him. However, OP mentioned that the problem is that he is waiting for an apology, but she refuses to give him one.
The author received the ‘Not the A-hole’ badge. In fact, community members listed the woman's fiancé's red flags, such as him insisting OP eats the same food as him, feeling that he has the right to check it to make sure, putting his hands on her food and continuing to touch her food after saying he would stop. “There is something going on there, and you shouldn't ignore it,” the user wrote. “I agree with all of this, I would also add his enlisting his friend on his side. His friend's idea of support is ridiculous,” another added.
Image credits: Monstera (not the actual photo)
Bored Panda contacted Abby Medcalf, PhD., who is a Relationship Maven, psychologist, author, podcast host and Tedx speaker who has helped thousands of people think differently so they can create connection, ease and joy in their relationships (especially the one with yourself)!
“Overall, I’d say that the issue is that couples are focused on the wrong things when they try to work on honesty and trust in their relationship. People often say that they either trust their partner or they don’t,” Abby says. However, she adds that trust is actually on a continuum: for example, you can trust your partner not to cheat but not trust them to be honest with their feelings. “There are actually three components that create trust in a relationship so it’s important to identify where exactly the trust might be broken down so you can fix it. The three areas are something I call the Trust Triad and include: Competency, goodwill, integrity,” she emphasizes.
Moreover, she highlights that honesty in relationships is about authenticity and transparency, so when you are being honest in a relationship, it means you are straightforward and say what you really think and feel.
“My biggest tip here is to share feelings, not thoughts. Being honest is about sharing what you feel, not your judgments or thoughts about things. Our true feelings are usually under our initial reactions,” Abby shares.
Additionally, for healthy and successful relationships, the psychologist lists a few main elements. To begin with, it’s a couple that act as a team instead of competing with one another. Another one is being honest with your feelings and leading with curiosity. “I tell people all the time that it’s important not to SAC your relationship. This means, don’t make Suggestions, give Advice or Criticize.”
And finally, Abby says that you don’t need to change a person. Criticizing, picking, sarcasm and judgment are part of resisting something. “No matter what, always remember: Great relationships aren’t built in a day. Great relationships are built daily.”
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)
Moreover, psychotherapist Tamara Green, LCSW, kindly agreed to share her insights with Bored Panda regarding relationships, trust and elements for a healthy and successful relationship.
To begin with, Tamara says that it’s important to understand why someone may feel mistrust in a relationship. “The feeling of trust has to do with safety and security. And, here's the challenge... Most couples don't realize that how they experience trust in adult relationships usually stems from how they felt in their early childhood.”
So for example, if your parents didn’t make you feel safe, it means that you couldn’t trust them to take care of you. Thus you grew up thinking that it’s difficult to trust people. “As a result, when you become an adult, you subconsciously choose a partner that creates the same feelings of mistrust. Building and maintaining trust in a relationship starts with you.”
Speaking about why people behave differently in public compared to their behavior at home, Tamara says that "Privately, we tend to let our guard down and allow our partners into our weird little worlds, our quirks, our fears, etc.” In public, our guard goes up as we don’t want others to know that we have these insecurities or quirks.
And finally, the psychotherapist says that healthy and successful relationships are always an inside job, so if you feel secure within yourself, you become less reactive of your partner. Also, be supportive and “Acknowledge that it always takes two to tango. In other words, don't place all the blame on your partner. Take responsibility for your part in the upset, such as overreacting, not letting it go, etc.
Commenters backed the author up and shared that the issue is with her fiancé's behavior, not hers
