My grandma, may she rest in peace, used to say: "We don't value what we have. We cry when we lose it." Damn true words, you know. We are so incredibly sure that something or someone will be in our lives for a long time, almost forever, that we allow ourselves to distance from our loved ones. We arrogantly think that we can always make up for lost time. But this is not true.
Further proof is this story from the user u/Teacher0002, which we will tell you today. About how parents were in no hurry to mend things with their adult son - until it was too late... But well, let's talk about everything in order.
More info: Reddit
The author of the post has been dating her boyfriend for 2 years and they got engaged a few months ago
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
However, the man was recently given a terminal diagnosis with no possible treatment
Image credits: u/Teacher0002
Image credits: EVG Kowalievska (not the actual photo)
The man decided to live the time allotted to him to the fullest and suggested to go to on a honeymoon to Mexico soon
Image credits: u/Teacher0002
Image credits: Kindel Media (not the actual photo)
The man's well-off parents, who have never been actually close to him, offered to pay for the trip - but insisted they come as well
Image credits: u/Teacher0002
The author, however, felt puzzled by this idea, reasonably considering the honeymoon to be a journey for two
So, the Original Poster (OP) is a 28-year-old woman who has been dating her former college classmate for 2 years, and they recently announced their engagement. However, the joyful event was marred by tragedy, because a few months ago the guy was given a terminal diagnosis.
With a two-year life expectancy. With no possible treatments or meds. And the man simply decided that the time allotted to him on this earth should be used to the fullest. He proposed to his girlfriend, and they planned a honeymoon in Puerto Vallarta. To just spend time together, relax and go snorkeling.
There were no problems with paying for the trip - the man's parents took full responsibility for it. Perhaps, thereby compensating for the lack of attention from them over the past years. No, there was never anything bad on their part. But there was nothing good either. Simply put, the OP's fiance has never been close to the people who actually brought him here.
And so, the parents said that they were ready to pay for the son's honeymoon, but at the same time suggested holding it in summer, right on his birthday. Moreover, they said that in this case they would also go with the whole family and stay at the same hotel. Just to be near their son.
Needless to say, such an idea, to put it mildly, surprised our heroine, who was, of course, sincerely grateful to her in-laws for their funding, but assumed that this would be her and her fiance's trip. Just the two of them. No one else.
The man himself didn't express his opinion - the OP believes that he simply doesn't want to (and actually cannot) waste his precious remaining time on bickering with relatives. But his fiancee spoke frankly with the in-laws-to-be - yet the parties still didn't come to any solution that would suit everyone.
However, in an update to the post, the woman said that a solution was found after all. The honeymoon has been delayed, and the trip to Mexico for the birthday will be just a family vacation. As for the honeymoon, the newlyweds will go, but later - and only together, at their own expense. Of course, it will not be such a lavish journey, but, in the end, this is not the main thing. And it's good that they both realize this.
Image credits: Asad Photo Maldives (not the actual photo)
"The situation, to be honest, is far from simple. On the one hand, you can perfectly understand this woman who wants to spend time alone with her beloved on the eve of the inevitable. On the other hand, the parents, who, apparently, are desperately trying to make up for lost time over these years," says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment here. "And the man himself, who is literally torn between the two sides he loves both."
"Apparently, he has always lacked warmth from his parents and family, so he does not mind spending time with them too. And offending them, being actually on the edge is also not that appropriate. But even more he wants to be with his beloved woman - and this is also understandable."
"To be honest, I'm glad that the woman and her future in-laws finally found a compromise solution that will satisfy everyone. But this story is really about not putting off any opportunity to be with those who are so important to you. Because life is really short, and, alas, it's not enough for everything one way or another," Irina concludes.
Commenters to the original post also noted that in the current situation, everything is very complicated, and that everyone is right in their own way. "I get that this is supposed to be your honeymoon and therefore don't want the in laws around," one of the responders wrote. "But if I'm reading this right you are getting married around your husband's bday and as such will be gone on his bday, and his parents want to spend what might be his last bday with him."
Overall, the main message from most people in the comments was that the OP shouldn't give up on a trip to Mexico with the whole family - but just make it the birthday trip. And go on a honeymoon separately, just the two of them. "Treat this as a nice vacation, and go somewhere else with your husband. Make sure he knows this and is aware of this in advance," another commenter added wisely.
In fact, that's exactly what our heroes eventually did. And what do you, our dear readers, think about this story? Did the original poster and her relatives make the right decision?
Eventually the family found the proper decision - exactly the same which many commenters suggested too
