A common question many couples hear all the time is, “So, how did you two meet?” And usually, the answer is something cute or wholesome. Well, one guy thought that was the case with his fiancée too.
But her recent confession about how they actually started dating shocked him, and now he’s creeped out by her. He took to Reddit to ask what he should do next, and even the internet was divided. Read the full story below.
The guy thought his relationship with his fiancée was pretty normal
Image credits: Beachbumledford / Envato (not the actual photo)
But after her confession about how they actually started dating, he’s now questioning everything he thought he knew about her
Image credits: micens / Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ThrowRAstalkinggf
Going to extreme lengths for someone you love has always been romanticized in fiction, but in real life it can feel very different
Image credits: Summit Entertainment (not the actual photo)
Many of us probably enjoy stories where characters are so infatuated with someone that they go to extreme lengths just to be with them, and we find it incredibly romantic.
Think about Tim in About Time, who used time travel to perfect every interaction with the woman he loved. Or Edward in Twilight, who snuck into Bella’s room to watch her sleep before they were even together. And Ariel in The Little Mermaid, who got so obsessed with Prince Eric that she gave up her voice and grew legs just to be near a guy she saw once from a distance.
We applaud the dedication and sometimes even wish someone would go that far for us. But part of the reason we feel that way is because it’s fictional. If someone actually did any of this in real life, it would be a very different experience. Which begs the question, where exactly is the line between romantic and just plain creepy?
The man in this story is trying to figure that out himself. He learned that his fiancée had spent months studying his routine and deliberately showing up wherever he went. She even pretended to lose her phone just to get him to call her number and have a reason to be around him.
She didn’t see a problem with any of it. The man, however, was left feeling very uneasy about the whole thing. And readers were just as divided. Some felt it was a massive red flag that shouldn’t be ignored. Others thought it really wasn’t that deep.
Where exactly does love end and stalking begin?
Image credits: Andrej Lišakov / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
To get a better sense of whether something like this counts as love or stalking, let’s look at what professionals have to say.
The Stalking Prevention, Awareness, and Resource Center (SPARC) defines stalking as a pattern of behavior that causes fear for one’s safety or leads to significant emotional distress. That can include things like following someone in public or repeatedly showing up where they don’t expect you. By that definition, what this woman did would technically qualify.
Another thing to consider is the motivation behind someone’s actions and how they carry them out. Daisy Warner, writing for Medical News Today, explains that both love and stalking can involve being persistent with someone and knowing a lot of their personal information, like their routines or where they live.
But when two people love each other, all of that is mutual. You share that information willingly and the feelings go both ways.
Stalking, on the other hand, is a form of taking power and control. A person might seek out someone’s personal information without their knowledge and pursue them without any reciprocation.
The attachment isn’t built on genuine care for the other person. It comes from an unhealthy fixation, and the person on the receiving end often has no idea it’s even happening.
That doesn’t stop a lot of people from doing it, though. Nowadays, many consider some forms of stalking to be completely harmless. According to one survey, 64% of people admit to cyber-stalking a potential partner before a first date. And 24% don’t even hide it, openly telling their date that they looked them up beforehand.
In these situations, people really have to consider how they feel. If someone’s behavior makes them uncomfortable or unsafe, they shouldn’t minimize those emotions out of fear of overreacting.
For anyone who genuinely believes they’re being stalked, the One Love Foundation recommends documenting the behavior and sharing what’s happening with people you trust. They also suggest reaching out to support organizations or law enforcement.
What do you think? Did this woman cross the line, or was it just a creative way of shooting her shot? Share your thoughts in the comments.
The man later shared more details in the comments
Some readers agreed that the stalking was creepy and weird, and felt he had every right to be uncomfortable
Others, however, thought it was innocent enough and said he might be overreacting
