Weddings are meant to bring people together. However, sometimes, tensions flare, things get heated, and the opposite happens. While it’s important to recognize that it’s up to the happy couple to set the ‘rules’ and expectations for the wedding, this doesn’t excuse poor behavior with the guests. Inviting, uninviting, reinviting, and then uninviting someone again sends the wrong message.
Redditor u/Firm_Tomatillo_6320 recently went viral after opening up to the AITA online community about a delicate wedding situation. She shared how she canceled her BFF’s bachelorette party right after she ‘fired’ her as a bridesmaid. Scroll down for the story, as well as an important update. Bored Panda has reached out to the author via Reddit, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from her.
The happy couple is free to invite who they want to their Big Day, however, this doesn't entitle anyone to treat their guests rudely
Image credits: JulieAlexK (not the actual image)
One woman went viral after revealing how her BFF treated her after she organized a secret bachelorette party for her
Image credits: nenetus (not the actual image)
She later shared an update where she explained what happened in more detail
Image credits: u/Firm_Tomatillo_6320
Uninviting someone may be awkward, but you owe them some clarity
Let’s get on the same page on a couple of things, right out of the gate. First of all, yes, the happy couple do have the right to invite whomever they want.
They’re also perfectly allowed to uninvite someone if they see that the situation has changed, e.g. if the guest is being disruptive or if they had to downscale the venue.
However, the flip side of the coin is that how the marrying couple treats their guests very much matters. For one thing, they shouldn’t flip-flop with their invites, as they did in the OP’s case. It’ll cause a lot of confusion and lead to hurt feelings.
Direct, clear, and honest communication (preferably in person, possibly by phone) is best. Subtleties and cliches aren't going to work here. The bride should also consider how the decision to uninvite her guests is going to affect their friendship going forward.
Marrying couples need to be aware of how uninviting someone can impact their finances
On top of that, constantly changing one’s decision about the guest list throws a wrench in people’s plans. Many folks will have made plans in advance. Some of them have already paid for their tickets, clothing, gifts, and… possibly even organized large pre-wedding parties.
It’s also disrespectful to uninvite someone due to one’s own emotional immaturity. We get it, wedding prep can be incredibly stressful. And it’s important that the bride’s happy with the event.
However, if she’s feeling insecure when thinking about her body image and her friends’ looks—as in the OP’s situation—the problem isn’t the guests. The problem is the bride’s perception of herself.
In an ideal world, she would cultivate more self-awareness and work on her self-esteem issues, rather than lash out at her (ex)bridesmaids for being smaller than her.
The bride-to-be appears to have some serious issues with her self-esteem, so she lashed out at her friends
In this scenario, something that could help the bride is the philosophy of body neutrality. To put it simply, it’s the idea of being at peace with your body, whatever it might look like and however it might function.
This, according to WebMD, can address one’s dissatisfaction with one’s weight, whether it’s ‘too big’ or ‘too small.’ By looking at things from a more detached perspective, it helps us judge ourselves, as well as others, less.
Essentially, body neutrality claims that your value and self-worth are not linked to how you look. This is different from body positivity which encourages unconditionally loving yourself, whatever your body looks like.
The former is about acceptance. The latter, according to critics, can sometimes be seen as an example of toxic positivity, when someone’s perception is completely divorced from objective reality.
The author clarified a few things in the comments of her post
Most readers were appalled by the bride-to-be's behavior. They stood in solidarity with the ex-bridesmaid
