We all know it takes a village to raise children. Whether that means sharing carpool responsibilities with other parents in the neighborhood or volunteering to watch your nephews while your sister goes out on a date, it’s great to be part of a helpful community. But how much assistance are we allowed to expect from our loved ones?
One parent recently hopped on Reddit to vent about why they finally blocked a friend who expected them to be an on-call free babysitter. Below, you’ll find all of the details, as well as a conversation with Dr. Samantha Whiten, clinical psychologist and founder of DrPsychMom.com!
It’s great for parents to have friends that can babysit for free from time to time
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But after one woman expected her friend to be constantly available, they finally decided to put their foot down
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Readers called out the mother for her bad behavior and provided suggestions for the friend
Later, the author returned with an update on the status of their friendship
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All parents will need a reliable babysitter at some point
Finding at least one reliable babysitter is a necessity for all parents with young children. Whether that’s Mom, a neighbor, a friend from church or a teenager from the neighborhood, all parents need time to go out without their children every now and then. According to Kidsit, most families will enlist the help of a babysitter once or twice a month, but of course, it might be even more often depending on the needs of the parents.
Babysitting usually isn’t cheap though. The average parents spend about $1,000 on babysitters every year, Kidsit reports, so it’s likely that they wouldn’t want to be out too often. That is, of course, unless they can find someone who will be willing to watch their kiddos for free. Whether or not it’s necessary to compensate a friend or family member for babysitting depends on many factors.
How often are you expecting them to be there? Did they volunteer, or did you have to call them up and ask for help? Are they struggling financially and in need of extra cash? Are they missing out on something else to be there? Did they have to travel? Scary Mommy notes on their site that it’s not necessarily required to pay loved ones, but it’s certainly important to make it clear that their efforts are appreciated.
"Most people will not ask for free babysitting more than very rarely"
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To gain more insight into this topic, we reached out to Dr. Whiten, clinical psychologist and founder of DrPsychMom.com. Dr. Whiten was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and discuss whether or not it's a good idea to babysit for friends.
"Sure, you can babysit, it's a kind and generous thing to do. The majority of people will be extremely appreciative," the expert noted. "If you ever feel that you are being taken advantage of, that's when you need to rethink whether you should babysit for that specific person. However, overall, most people will be overly grateful rather than exploitative."
Dr. Whiten also pointed out that there is no set amount of time that someone "should" need childcare, as every family is different. "Some people work every day, some people have weekly date nights. There's no norm. Babysitters are often asked if they are around at the last minute, and if they are, they are, and if not, they just say no," she explained.
"Most people will not ask for free babysitting more than very rarely. For example, I've babysat my friend's child for free twice, and he's now two years old. The rest of the time, they use paid childcare," the psychologist added.
"If feeling taken advantage of is a pattern, then you are likely bad with setting boundaries early on in any relationship"
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But if you feel like you're being taken advantage of by a friend or family member, Dr. Whiten says you probably need to set stronger boundaries. "For example, I can watch her once a month for date night but not more than that. Also, you can say that you've gotten busy and you aren't free at the times she needs," she shared.
"Most people will stop asking. If someone keeps asking, the problem isn't the babysitting but the dynamic in the friendship overall. Also, if feeling taken advantage of is a pattern, then you are likely bad with setting boundaries early on in any relationship, and therapy can help you learn how to be more assertive with others," the expert noted.
Finally, Dr. Whiten pointed out that this thread was highly unusual, and both the participants seemed very dramatic. "Usually, watching a child for a friend is only a positive for the friendship, and it is rare and appreciated. People who get involved in friendships where they feel exploited on a general basis likely struggle with people pleasing, and working on this core trait is much more useful than looking at each situation on its own," she told Bored Panda.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this friend was right to put their foot down and stop babysitting? Feel free to share, and then, you can find another Bored Panda piece discussing babysitting drama right here!
Readers shared their thoughts on the situation, and the friend joined in on the conversation
