As your single friends can tell you, it’s not easy to find love nowadays. Whether it’s because you’ve watched too many true-crime documentaries or you’ve been burned too many times, it can feel like a miracle when you meet someone that you actually click with.
But according to one woman, if any of your friends have ever had a crush on him, he’s off-limits. A Redditor reached out to the internet for advice after she was accused of stealing a friend’s “boyfriend.” Below, you’ll find the full story, as well as some of the replies invested readers shared.
It's perfectly normal to have a crush on someone you know
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But this woman was accused of stealing a friend's boyfriend, just because she started dating her crush
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Readers didn't understand why the friend was so upset, and the author joined in on the conversation to share more details
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Then, the author came back with an update on her situation
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Women are often expected to follow "girl code," regardless of the circumstances
In all aspects of life, there is a certain “girl code” that women are expected to abide by. Girl code consists of mostly unspoken rules about how to treat other women, how to date without ruining friendships, and more.
“It’s stuff like: you can’t date your friend’s ex, you also can’t date your ex’s friend,” Ellen Scott told the BBC. “If you saw your friend’s boyfriend cheating on them – you’d have to tell your friend. It’s basically just that your loyalty is always with other women – that’s what ‘girl code’ is supposed to be.”
In theory, girl code can be a great thing. It’s nice to know that other women have your back and that if you ever need a tampon in a public restroom, a stranger will happily provide one for you. But it’s not always realistic to expect adults to follow the same codes that made perfect sense in middle school.
“I think girl code is silly in most cases,” Scott continued. “I understand where it comes from; obviously, it really hurts to see your ex with anyone, let alone someone who you consider a friend. But the fact of the matter is you can’t control who you fall in love with and who you click with.”
She notes that girl code often becomes about policing the behavior of women, without considering that men aren’t held to the same standards. And, of course, there will be situations like the one in this particular story that fall into a gray area.
It's common to feel jealous of a friend, but it's important to channel that jealousy in a healthy way
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According to girl code, you can’t date your friend’s crush. But what if you didn’t even know she had a crush on him? What if he’s not interested in her at all? And what if you had a crush on him too this whole time?
As painful as it may be to find out that someone you like would prefer to date your friend instead, that’s life. And it’s best to handle the situation maturely rather than blow up a valuable friendship.
One of the best ways to come to terms with a friend’s relationship with a crush is to make an effort to stop being jealous. Jealousy is not inherently bad, and it’s something that we’ve all experienced. But it’s important to channel it in a healthy way, so that it doesn’t begin to eat you alive.
According to relationship expert Susan Winter, it’s best to frame jealousy about a friend’s love life in a more positive light. For example, if it seems like all of your friends are in happy relationships, it should actually give you more hope. If so many people have found love, so can you!
Even when you feel a pang of jealousy, it’s good to remind yourself that you can feel that and simultaneously be happy for your friend. It’s great that they’ve found love; they will be thrilled for you when you’re in the same position. Resist the urge to feel like you’re in competition with your friends, and you’ll likely be a lot happier.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Then, if you’re looking for another article from Bored Panda discussing similar relationship drama, look no further than right here.
Again, readers were shocked by the friend's delusional attitude
