Cultural practices and religious beliefs are part of what makes the tapestry of humankind richer and more interesting. They’re ways to express what makes us different and should ultimately be respected if we’re to live in a more tolerant world.
For one Muslim woman, things got uncomfortable when her friend decided to tag her in IG pics from a bachelorette party - without her hijab on. She asked the friend to take down the pics, which divided the group of girlfriends and forced the woman to turn to Reddit for advice.
More info: Reddit
Muslim maid of honor went to bride-to-be’s out of town bachelorette party with a gang of girlfriends
Image credits: Danang Wicaksono (not the actual photo)
It was a girls-only, no-drinks celebration and the bride-to-be is her lifelong friend
Image credits: Melike Benli (not the actual photo)
Since they were going to sleep over at the venue, the maid of honor took her hijab off
Image credits: Azra Tuba Demir (not the actual photo)
After the party, the woman checked her phone and was shocked to see she’d been tagged in public photos without her hijab on
Image credits: u/Similar-Hope-9839
The woman begged the bride-to-be to take down the pics, but she wouldn’t, saying they were the only good pics of her
The woman begins her post by stating that she’s Muslim and, as such, wears a hijab and covers most of her body.
She then goes on to tell the community that she recently attended her lifelong friend’s bachelorette party, which was just for the girls and wouldn’t involve any drinking. Since she was only going to be around women, and they were sleeping over, she took her hijab off for the night.
During the course of the evening, the girlfriends watched movies, took photos and videos, and generally had a good time. OP said she didn’t mind the photos being taken, because pics are typically only shared within the girls’ private group chat.
Only the next day did she discover that she’d been tagged in a bunch of shots on the bride-to-be’s Instagram account. Shocked, she reached out to her friend and asked her to take down the photos of her without her hijab on.
Her friend said she wouldn’t, because they were the only good pics of her from the evening. OP then asked if she couldn’t just crop her out or even just draw over her hair and neck, since she didn’t know who might see the photos. Her friend replied that the pics would just look wrong, and that she was overreacting.
The bride-to-be then took to the friends’ group chat to get the group’s opinion. Half the girls said she should take the pics down, while the other half said it was no big deal. Now the bride-to-be is claiming that the group is putting her under too much stress a week before her wedding.
At her wits’ end, OP then turned to Reddit to ask if she’s being unreasonable for asking her friend to take the pics down.
From what we can tell from OP’s post, the bride-to-be is being insensitive to her religious practices. After all, showing OP without her hijab on, on a public forum, could well get OP into trouble in her community.
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
OP could change her Instagram settings to remove the tags on the photos and remove all tagging from photos in the future, but it would be better if the bride-to-be could just respect her reasonable wishes. After all, it would be easy enough to blur out OP’s face and re-upload the previously offending pics.
Perhaps what should really be questioned here is the integrity of the friendship between OP and the bride-to-be. A boundary has obviously been crossed and, if the friendship is all it’s cracked up to be, a simple chat should sort things out.
OP’s friend is simply being selfish, so how should OP move forward with this issue? First, let’s consider what makes someone selfish.
"Emotional intelligence exists on a spectrum, and some individuals are higher in emotional intelligence than others," says Lisa Marie Bobby, PhD, a Colorado-based marriage counselor, therapist, and life coach, when interviewed for Oprah Daily.
Bobby says that one symptom of low emotional intelligence is the tendency to be self-absorbed, or only concerned about what you're thinking, feeling, needing and wanting, instead of the thoughts, feelings, needs and desires of other people.
"People who are 'selfish' tend to have been raised in environments in which their feelings, thoughts, and needs weren't recognized or valued," she adds.
"In contrast, from earliest childhood, highly empathetic people have had their feelings and thoughts reflected back to them, and at least respected," continues Bobby. "In this way, thoughtful and compassionate people are not born, they're made.”
While an abrupt ghosting is pretty much bad relationship practice, Bobby says it's possible to "assist" a selfish person in scrutinizing their own behavior by cutting back on the time and energy you spend on them.
Bobby says that it's normal and natural to not want to spend as much time with someone who is self-centered and a poor listener.
"Over time, they may notice that they don't have that many friends, or have short-lived relationships, aren't advancing in their careers, or often feel lonely and disconnected. They may start to feel badly about that and wonder why," adds Bobby.
Bored Panda caught up with OP to ask her a few questions. When asked whether she was surprised her post got so much attention, she had this to say, "Honestly I didn't think I'd gain as much traction as I did, but considering the hate Muslims tend to get, I should have expected the algorithm to pick it up just from the sheer amount of comments."
On the question of what urged her to share her story with Reddit, she said, "I honestly don't know why I shared it specifically with reddit, but having an anonymous third party helped put things in perspective better."
Finally, we asked OP if there had been any further developments since she first posted. She told us, " I did update a bit after, she took the post down because her fiance confronted her on it, and we handled it like adults. Her wedding was amazing!"
What would you do if you found yourself in OP’s shoes? Do you think she’s being unreasonable, or is the bride-to-be acting selfish and entitled? Let us know your opinion in the comments!
Redditors sprang to the Muslim woman’s defense and questioned the integrity of the bride-to-be
