In theory, home is supposed to be a place where you feel the most comfortable, the most yourself, where you come to unwind and be safe. So, if you live with other people, you must be comfortable enough to share such an intimate space with them.
Today’s OP was of the same opinion. In her home, where she already lived with a partner and her daughter, there was an additional roommate — the partner’s friend, who was desperately seeking out one woman. When she ended her relationship with her SO and didn’t have a place to go, this man offered for her to stay with them, to the discontent of the woman and her daughter.
More info: Mumsnet
Since your home is supposed to be a place where you feel the most comfortable, you need to trust the people you live with
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
A household from today's story consisted of the post's author, her daughter, her partner, and her partner's friend
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
This friend was a single man who was desperately trying to have a relationship with a woman who had friend-zoned him
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The thing was that she was in a relationship with another man for 10 years and didn't show that much interest in her friend, yet he didn't give up
Image credits: shurkin_son / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Then, one day, her long-term relationship ended, and she had no place to stay, so her friend offered to move in with him, and the author's partner let him do so
Image credits: TrickySituation22
The post's author and her daughter strongly disliked the idea and protested, as they didn't want to live with a woman that they didn't know
The OP’s family let their friend stay in their spare room. This dude, who they dubbed as Ray, is a single man in his late 30s.
Nowadays, not all people in their 30s crave relationships. Some, for instance, take this freedom as a chance to travel solo, embark on various other kinds of adventures, and so on. Apparently, Ray isn’t one of them, as the post’s author noted that he keeps trying to find a girlfriend.
A few years ago, he befriended a woman who, at the time, was with her partner for 10+ years. From the original poster’s point of view, this woman clearly kept Ray in her friendzone, using him for lifts to the airport, free meals, and things, letting him pay for everything, and hoping that would lead to something more, even though she was with her long-time partner.
Let’s be honest, their friendship doesn’t sound like the most equal thing, does it? Theoretically, friendship should be about two people who are on the same level as each other, but in this case, it isn’t like that. It’s clear that the man wants more than that and is willing to literally pay for it, while the woman uses that fact. Well, who are we to judge? If it was working for them to stay friends, good for them.
Then, one day, the woman split with her partner and had nowhere to go, so Ray invited her to stay with him while the OP’s partner allowed it.
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
What makes matters worse, apparently, this woman “has a lot of issues” (which the OP interpreted as her being the abuser of substances), which makes her even more sketchy of a possible roommate—if the stranger part wasn’t enough.
So, it’s no surprise that neither the post’s author nor her daughter were thrilled to have this woman live with them. You know the rule that parents teach their children: “Do not open the doors to strangers.” Well, this situation is basically them not only opening their door but allowing the stranger to become a housemate.
Home is usually not simply a physical but also a mental place where a person can be themselves and be in comfort without being surrounded by people they don't know. So, letting a person you do not trust live there, too, defeats the whole purpose of home and terminates the comfort since, from that point on, there’s basically an alien living next to you.
The original poster didn’t want that. Thus, she started protesting and looking for other places where the woman could stay, as long as it was not with them. She also checked with the netizens whether such a reaction made them unreasonable. Well, the consensus was clear—it didn’t—the reaction was completely justified.
Later, in the update, the OP clarified that she found a way out of the situation—she ended her relationship with her partner. Realizing how enabling he was for his friend and his toxic ways proved that she didn’t love him that much anymore. What’s even better—now, both the ex-partner and his buddy Ray will have to move out, while the post’s author and her daughter will stay safe and comfortable in their own home.
In our opinion, that’s the best way the situation could have turned out, isn’t it? Yes, it’s sad that the relationship ended, but since it evidently wasn’t the healthiest one, it's probably for the best.
One thing led to another, and in an update on the post, the author said that she decided to leave her partner, as he seemed to be on his toxic friend's side instead of hers
