I was dating a flight attendant, Steve, who was based near a very touristic city. We had been meeting halfway and traveled to other places together for long weekends. He visited me on his time off as well. One time I visited him at his hometown and had a great time. I met his friends and liked them a lot and they seemed to like me as well. Like myself he lived very frugally with a goal to retire in a few years. He had a 2 bedroom condo and rented the guest room on Airbnb for extra income.
When I got back my friend Savannah calls to see how my trip went. I fill her in on how much I enjoyed his town and friends and that we became much closer during my visit. I only knew Savannah in group situations and never hung out with her long enough to get a sense of her personality. My initial thought was that she was being a supportive friend.
The next night she calls again and tells me she wants to come along with me the next time I see Steve. I tell her no, that we like our privacy. She asks about when the guest room is vacant. I tell her the only time it’s not rented out is when his kids visit.
This is when I learn she doesn’t like taking no for an answer. She calls me a third night and asks if I can ask him to ask his friends if she can stay with them. I tell I feel like that would be a major imposition and that I won’t ask him. I did a reality check with a few coworkers to see if I was off base. They suggested she was out of bounds and not to further the friendship.
She calls me a day or so after asking if she can stay at his friend’s places with a new angle. She starts by asking if Steve plans to visit me soon. I tell her yes and she says I should have a party so our friends can get to know him. I tell her that I might do that but don’t have definitive plans for the visit. She doubles down and tells me I should think more seriously about a party. I tell her I’ll think about it. Then she tells me that she wants the opportunity to ask him if she can visit him with me and ask him if he can ask his friends if she can stay with them. I felt she was suggesting that if I don’t ask him privately she will ask him publicly when it would be awkward for him to say no to her. I didn’t talk to her for a year after that. If she hadn’t been in my friend group I would have ended the ‘friendship’.
When I got back my friend Savannah calls to see how my trip went. I fill her in on how much I enjoyed his town and friends and that we became much closer during my visit. I only knew Savannah in group situations and never hung out with her long enough to get a sense of her personality. My initial thought was that she was being a supportive friend.
The next night she calls again and tells me she wants to come along with me the next time I see Steve. I tell her no, that we like our privacy. She asks about when the guest room is vacant. I tell her the only time it’s not rented out is when his kids visit.
This is when I learn she doesn’t like taking no for an answer. She calls me a third night and asks if I can ask him to ask his friends if she can stay with them. I tell I feel like that would be a major imposition and that I won’t ask him. I did a reality check with a few coworkers to see if I was off base. They suggested she was out of bounds and not to further the friendship.
She calls me a day or so after asking if she can stay at his friend’s places with a new angle. She starts by asking if Steve plans to visit me soon. I tell her yes and she says I should have a party so our friends can get to know him. I tell her that I might do that but don’t have definitive plans for the visit. She doubles down and tells me I should think more seriously about a party. I tell her I’ll think about it. Then she tells me that she wants the opportunity to ask him if she can visit him with me and ask him if he can ask his friends if she can stay with them. I felt she was suggesting that if I don’t ask him privately she will ask him publicly when it would be awkward for him to say no to her. I didn’t talk to her for a year after that. If she hadn’t been in my friend group I would have ended the ‘friendship’.