While one might argue that the proposal itself is much more important than the circumstances surrounding it, given that the person proposing is also of one’s choice and not someone else, however, the circumstances such as the place and time of a proposal can’t be dismissed as bearing no significance whatsoever. As everything happening in one’s life shapes it, a proposal gets to be one such thing, often reflecting a couple’s understanding of their relationship and values. No wonder this man’s girlfriend didn’t enjoy it one bit when he paid zero consideration to her wishes when proposing to her, which his friend was honest enough to agree with. It concerns two people after all.
More info: Reddit
A guy proposed to his girlfriend but got no for an answer as his girlfriend didn't like the way he went about it
Image credits: Katerina Holmes (not the actual image)
The man then became angry with his friend for calling his proposal disrespectful
Image credits: u/pokemonkandy
Image credits: Azra Tuba Demir (not the actual image)
Image credits: u/pokemonkandy
The man proposed at a bar despite his girlfriend telling him multiple times she didn't want a public engagement
Image credits: Marcus Herzberg (not the actual image)
The man claimed he saw a different perspective eventually and the situation seems to be changing for the better
Who knows what exactly was going on in this dude’s head when he proposed to his girlfriend leaving her horrified. Well, this guy’s idea on its own can’t be univocally judged to be good or bad, as on the one hand, there is at least one person who likes it and it is this very guy, which makes one out of two people, that this idea concerns. On the bright side, his idea does have a certain charm for sure. As one Redditor noted, and as this man clearly had the same thought in mind, so much so that it blinded him from seeing the other side of the coin, is that this bar where he proposed to his girlfriend was where they actually met.
One can possibly sympathize a little bit with this man's sticking to his idea since we have probably all experienced at least once in our lives a time when we had to push our friends a little bit out of their comfort zone to show them something truly amazing and new and to have them thank us later. Or we've experienced it ourselves when we pushed our limits of perception or others encouraged us to be brave enough to try something completely new to us. However, we can understand this man's reasoning, while at the same time agreeing on his proposal being kind of messed up.
It is one thing to push the other person’s limits while having that person’s permission and being sensitive about it, but it is something else completely when doing it during one's proposal. An engagement possibly being the worst occasion ever to attempt such a thing, as it is mostly about two people agreeing and finding their life to be better together than apart and not, as in this man’s case, leaving the other person’s wellbeing disregarded. This man’s ‘message’ with his proposal really had a bad tune to it, as it went something like this: please be with me so I can disregard your wishes, thoughts, and feelings for the rest of the time we are together, hopefully for the rest of your life.
So while one might have different personal preferences, when it comes to proposing at the bar, one has to agree with his friend that his proposal was seriously kind of messed up and disrespectful, of course. The reason being, as everyone around him seemed to agree - his girlfriend told him multiple times she did not want a public proposal and was left horrified he would do it at a bar of all places.
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual image)
All in all, this guy seems to be the one who needs to actually reconsider what it is that he wants from people, or simply put, he needs to actually consider other people. His friend explained she hadn’t seen him happier than with this girlfriend, and yet he couldn’t even consider her wishes, which she explicitly told him when proposing to her. This is in addition to calling his friend a jerk for being honest enough and telling him the truth about his messed up proposal, so he could grasp the real situation, solve the issue and find a way to make the best out of it.
Fortunately, as per the update, this man seemed to finally come to grasp the importance of considering other people’s thoughts on this topic, and as he accidentally read his own issue discussed on Reddit, while confronting his friend about posting it and “airing dirty laundry”, the man eventually thanked his friend as it “gave him a different perspective”. As per his friend’s update, the situation seems to be changing for the better, as this guy is slowly learning his lesson.
In her study “Negotiating marriage: a process model of heterosexual engagement”, Tamara Sniezek notes that while sociologists acknowledge the significance of getting married, they “know little about how relationships are transformed into marriage”. The researcher seeks to provide a more complex understanding of how relationships progress toward marriage.
Sniezek emphasizes negotiation to be a crucial element of getting engaged. According to her study, engagement rituals often are negotiated in ongoing interactions, as most couples choose and negotiate the rituals that transform their relationship on a moment-to-moment basis. While formal elements and tradition help to amplify the new status of their relationship, these elements work as an interactional resource rather than dictating a couple’s behavior.
Redditors agreed with this man's girlfriend and his friend claiming "he should have set the bar higher"
