Talking about money, debt, and who owes who what is awkward enough as it is. When you get your friends involved, things can get a bit messy. However, a good rule of thumb to check whether someone is a genuine friend of yours is to see whether they stay true to their word and have a give-and-take dynamic with you.
Redditor u/tasteoflex recently went viral on the ‘Am I Overreacting’ digital community after asking for some impartial advice about a particularly sensitive situation. The woman shared how a close friend of hers tried to back out of paying her share of the girls’ Valentine’s trip they were going on. She essentially asked the author to cover for her until she could pay her back. Scroll down for the full story. Bored Panda has reached out to the author for comment, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from her.
Going on holiday with your friends can be a ton of fun. However, problems start to arise if some of them have expensive tastes but barely any savings
Image credits: simonapilolla (not the actual photo)
A woman asked the internet for help after sharing how a close friend asked her to cover her part of a very expensive girls' trip abroad
Image credits: vadymvdrobot (not the actual photo)
Image credits: tasteoflex
Here are the messages exchanged between the author and her friend
Image credits: tasteoflex
The reality is that if you earn a lot or suddenly come into a large sum of money, some of your friends may try to take advantage of your generosity
Having access to a good income, getting an inheritance, or winning the lottery can put you in an awkward—not to mention precarious—position. The fact of the matter is that some people will almost inevitably try to take advantage of you. It hurts to realize that this applies even to some of your relatives and friends.
When some people see someone who is better off than them, they might get envious or feel like they deserve the money ‘more’ than the other person. Or they might suddenly decide that because they’re a close friend, they’re somehow ‘entitled’ to compensation. Long story short, suddenly coming into wealth can show you who’s friends with you because they care about you versus those who see you as an easy meal ticket.
Now that’s not to say that you can’t treat the people you care about once in a while. Paying for dinner, getting them thoughtful gifts, maybe even inviting them on a spontaneous getaway—these are all nice things to offer if you can afford to pay for everyone. However, this shouldn’t become a habit.
The fact is that human beings get used to new situations fairly quickly. Someone who suddenly never has to pay for food or entertainment because someone’s covering for them will see this as the new status quo. It’s easy to become entitled and see this as how things ‘should’ be. Then, if you ever decide to ask your friends to pay their share, they might get upset and start accusing you of ‘unfairness.’
This is in addition to the fact that no matter how wealthy someone is, paying for a group of people’s wants and needs constantly is financially exhausting. If left unchecked, this can lead to spending more than you earn or even eating into your savings or investments. No matter how well-off you might be, it’s always a good idea to live (slightly) below your means. Spend less than you earn or earn more than you spend.
Meanwhile, if you have the opportunity to do so, you may want to practice ‘stealth wealth.’ Essentially, it means living relatively modestly in order to protect your wealth. You create the appearance of being middle class while potentially having enough income, savings, and investments to lead an upper-class lifestyle if you choose to.
People who practice stealth wealth tend to buy reliable and functional products and brands but very few overtly luxurious ones. They might not have the most glamorous cars, the biggest mansions, or the most blinged-out watches, but they invest in quality food, education, medical care, etc.
Image credits: Alexander Mils (not the actual photo)
You should only lend money to people you trust or give out small amounts of cash that you would be fine never getting back
Generally speaking, it’s best to only ever lend money to people you know you can 100% trust. Think about whether they’ve paid you back in the past or if they’ve done favors for you and had your back when you needed it.
Meanwhile, if you do plan to cover someone’s expenses or lend them some money, consider whether you’d be okay with never getting that cash back in the future. There’s nothing wrong with telling someone that you won’t cover for them. Boundaries are there to keep relationships healthy, and you shouldn’t feel guilty about enforcing them.
Investopedia warns that lending money to family and friends can potentially cause relationship damage. On top of that, it can lead to financial problems.
It’s essential to create boundaries for loans so that you preserve those relationships you care about while also reducing the potential risks and problems. It’s a good rule of thumb to consider how you’d be affected financially and emotionally before you decide to lend anyone any money.
It’s never a good idea to lend friends and family more money than you can afford. “Lending more money than you can realistically afford can only lead to problems if the person to whom you lent the money doesn’t repay it punctually or you have a harder time keeping up with your expenses as a result,” Investopedia explains.
Meanwhile, you shouldn’t let guilt drive your decisions. You have to do what makes sense financially, not what you feel obligated or pressured to do. On top of that, even if you can’t lend your friend any money, you can always help them out with some practical advice. For instance, regarding how to balance work and studies, repaying student loans, creating and sticking to a budget, etc.
But what are your thoughts on all of this, dear Pandas? What would you have done if you were in the author of the viral post’s shoes? Would you have covered for your friend or called them out for agreeing to go on a trip despite money being tight? Has anyone close to you tried to pull the wool over your eyes or harm you? How did you handle the situation? Feel free to share your thoughts and experiences in the comments!
Image credits: Alexander Grey (not the actual photo)
Many internet users were very supportive of the author. Here's what they said after reading about the situation with her friend
