Grief is a heavy emotion and one that takes a long time to work through. When a loved one passes away, it often feels like a gut punch, and the person dealing with the loss has to accept their new normal suddenly. That’s why the folks around them have to be patient and do everything in their power to support the grieving individual.
Unfortunately, this isn’t what a widow experienced. After her husband passed away, her friend kept bombarding her with messages about idiotic things, even though she tried to get him to stop.
More info: Mumsnet
People should be careful not to overwhelm a griever, and instead, be a gentle listening ear for them
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster shared that her husband had suddenly passed away, and she had to deal with his estate complications, which had led her to feel burnt out
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
During the grieving process, a friend of hers kept sending her messages about random things, and she eventually had to mute notifications from him
Image credits: rawpixel.com / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Eventually, the woman got fed up and told her friend he was going overboard with the messages, but he continued and asked her to join him on a vacation
Image credits: smmontana
Folks informed the woman that her friend might be preying on her, so she decided to block him and cut contact
The woman had obviously had to deal with a lot since her husband passed. Apart from the heavy grief that came with losing him, she also had many legal issues to sort out. There was a lot of paperwork to sort through because of his estate and dual citizenship. All of this had made her feel exhausted and burnt out.
The poster didn’t want to interact too much with people, especially because she was still grieving her husband, but her friend didn’t respect her boundaries. He kept texting her multiple times a day about random things in his life, and didn’t see how his actions were annoying her. She also didn’t know how to deal with his behavior.
To get an expert’s perspective on this situation, Bored Panda reached out to Tara Accardo, who is a grief and soul purpose coach and the host of the Life With Grief podcast. After losing her parents to cancer within six months of each other and navigating a traumatic birth experience, her journey of grieving led her to create Losses Become Gains: a community for fellow grievers.
Tara explained that “unfortunately, we're still in a very grief-averse and illiterate society, and many people still don't know how to support people in a meaningful and appropriate way. Until and unless you have been through a major loss yourself, it's almost impossible to relate. We can put ourselves in each other's shoes and show compassion, self-awareness, and respectful boundaries.”
“Many people fail to realize how many ways death impacts our lives. It's not just the death and subsequent absence of that person; it's countless things we have to mourn on top of that. This friend, from my perspective, doesn't understand how difficult it is for this griever to be coping with all of this, and how bad their burnout probably is."
“What's best is that we 1) pay attention to our friends' needs and what resonates with them, and 2) not add more to their plate. In terms of how this man supported his friend, the biggest issue is the complete lack of boundaries and awareness. This friend is not pulling their weight or adding value to this friendship in a balanced or healthy way, particularly in the most difficult time of this griever's life,” Tara shared.
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Although the poster was really annoyed by her friend’s behavior, she didn’t want to get into a conflict with him because she was already in a very vulnerable position. She politely asked him to give her some space, but he kept bombarding her with texts and silly videos. It seemed like he didn’t understand how she was feeling.
Tara said, “I do think they should set (or continue to set) boundaries with this friend. Frankly, I'm so glad they muted notifications/messages to protect their peace. Hopefully, one day this friend will understand that message, even though it doesn't seem like they are currently, and that's another big red flag.”
“It sounds like the griever has communicated needing their space, but perhaps there's room to be even more direct and actually mention boundaries being violated. In fact, I would probably do that over the phone versus text so this friend can (hopefully) hear the emotion in the griever's voice, and how their behavior is impacting them.”
Tara shared that “If I were this griever, I would take the time to address the gravity of not only the loss, but the enormity of the aftermath they're dealing with. This person might not be able to fully understand it, but if they hear this from the griever and the behavior doesn't change, it might be time to reevaluate this friendship.”
People also told the widow that there are many folks who try to take advantage of grievers. During this terrible time, they offer support and then pounce on the estate or money that the griever might have inherited. It's heartbreaking if those were the intentions of the woman’s friend, but hopefully, all of this advice helps her protect herself.
What would you have done in a situation like this, and what do you think were the true intentions of the man? Let us know your honest thoughts.
Folks advised the woman on how to deal with her overbearing friends, and some felt that he had a motive behind his actions
