Friends should try to help each other out, but when it comes to money, it’s a bit of a grey area. Lending or borrowing cash can either help the friendship or cause immense damage. This is because one’s finances are so personal that they can get entangled in the bond one has with their friends.
A man faced this when his buddy from 20 years back called him out of the blue, asking for a big loan. The friend was so desperate that he kept pressuring the man to lend him the money, but this set off alarm bells in the guy’s mind.
More info: Reddit
When it comes to money matters, sometimes people use guilt and pressure to try and get their way
Image credits: Curated Lifestyle / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The poster shared that he had gone on a road trip with his son, when he suddenly got a call from a friend whom he hadn’t had much contact with in over 20 years
Image credits: Victoria Romulo / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The friend said that his wife was pregnant and that since he was unemployed, he had racked up credit card debt, which she didn’t know about
Image credits: Guillaume Issaly / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The friend, Peter, called the poster again, asking to borrow $15,000 to pay his debts, so the poster said he would only go ahead if Peter shared some proof
Image credits: Western_perception1
The poster also shared screenshots of his conversation with Peter to show how desperately he was trying to get the money out of him
Image credits: Western_perception1
Image credits: Western_perception1
There were many discrepancies in Peter’s stories, so the poster got suspicious and asked a common friend for advice; both agreed there was something off
The poster was extremely confused when his old friend called him all of a sudden and started asking for a loan. Even the few times that they had been in contact, his buddy, Peter, had only touched on a few memories of the past, and had never brought up anything serious. This time, however, he began asking for $15,000 and shared that he had a loan shark after him.
To understand more about this situation, Bored Panda reached out to Sam Dogen, the founder of Financial Samurai, which is a leading personal finance site. He worked in investment banking at Goldman Sachs and Credit Suisse for 13 years before retiring from the industry. He is one of the pioneers of the modern-day FIRE movement and also an author of multiple books.
Sam shared that “in no situation should you lend money to someone who’s been out of contact for 20+ years. That person isn’t a friend: they’re a leech. A true friend stays in touch over the years and is there for you when needed.”
“Of course, context matters. If it’s for a health or medical emergency, lending (or outright giving) is a must. If the request is for anything nonessential, it’s best to say no and instead encourage them to find contentment with what they already have.”
“If you feel obligated to lend money to a friend, I would cap the loan amount at no more than 2% of your net worth. This way, you are protected,” Sam explained. Here, the poster was constantly getting pressured by Peter into lending the money because he made it out to seem like his situation was really desperate.
Image credits: Western_perception1
After the OP asked Peter to share documentation of all the things he needed to pay off, Peter got a bit hesitant. There were many holes in his story, and the poster picked up on that. He also asked another friend for advice and realized that the guy had been trying to figure out who was successful and who was making enough money. This put the OP on alert.
Sam explained that “if someone is pressuring you to loan them money, that’s already a red flag. True friends don’t guilt-trip or strong-arm you into helping; they respect your boundaries. In that situation, the best thing to do is to pause and remove emotion from the equation.”
“Ask yourself: If this money never came back, would I still be okay with the relationship? If the answer is no, then the loan is a bad idea. You can also redirect the conversation by offering non-monetary help: introducing them to resources, connecting them with potential employers, or brainstorming ways to improve their situation. That way, you’re still being supportive without putting your finances or friendship at risk.”
He also added that “saying ‘no’ to a money request isn’t saying ‘no’ to the friendship. It’s saying ‘yes’ to healthy boundaries. True friends don't borrow money from friends. Instead, they do everything possible to find a way to make money and not put their friendship in an awkward position.”
It’s good that the poster thought the situation through and didn’t rush to help out his friend from the past. By doing so, he was able to ascertain the man’s true motives and possibly protect himself from losing a lot of money. It still doesn’t make the whole situation any less awkward though.
Have you ever had to deal with a situation like this before? Do share any stories you might have.
People had many theories as to why the guy was suddenly asking for money, and they were glad that the poster didn’t give in to his pressuring
