There are so many different kinds of parents and parenting styles, and everybody chooses which is the most suitable for them and how they want to raise their kids. There is no right or wrong as long as the kid is happy, taken care of, well behaved and loved.
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However, even if the kid is little, it’s important to explain and to talk about what they are supposed to do, what they can’t do and to explain that for bad behavior, there are consequences.
More info: Reddit
Covering up your kid’s theft is not the best way to show the kid the real world
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)
Man asks if he was being a jerk for calling his uncle who is a police officer and asking him to visit his little nephew after he stole his daughter’s Switch
Image credits: u/Flimsy_Wish_7885
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
He found out that his SIL’s son took his daughter’s Switch, though the woman stated that the girl gave it to him as a gift
Image credits: u/Flimsy_Wish_7885
After his SIL refused to return it, the man asked a police officer to threaten his SIL and her kid over the stolen property
Image credits: u/Flimsy_Wish_7885
After a little visit from the police, the kid has been crying non-stop and the man is being blamed for traumatizing the kid for life
Recently, a Reddit user shared his story to one of the most judgmental communities asking if he was being a jerk after he frightened his nephew and made him traumatized for life. Folks online found this story interesting and it went viral immediately. Just in 2 days it had almost 17K upvotes and over 2.9K comments.
The author starts his story by saying that after a cookout at his place, his daughter’s Switch went missing. After a call with his SIL, she informed him that his daughter gave it to her son for his upcoming birthday. However, the story didn’t really match up as his daughter said that she only lent it to him so that they could play together. Well, OP asked for it back, but SIL refused, saying that his daughter is too old for it anyway.
After an unsuccessful ‘operation’ to get back the Switch, the author decided to ask his uncle, who is a police officer, to pay a visit to his SIL and her son’s home. When police officers threatened to arrest them for stolen property, she finally gave it back. However, after the threat that if the boy or his mother steal again, they will go to jail, the kid has been crying without end and having sleeping problems. Now the author is being blamed for traumatizing the kid for life.
The author got a ‘Not the A-hole’ badge, though there were various opinions regarding this incident. “I absolutely believe this kid was traumatized. I stole a piece of candy when I was six, and I worried for years about 'going to hell,'” one user shared. However, another shared a different opinion: “SIL traumatized her own kid by allowing him to steal. I feel bad for Stevie, but your SIL is a terrible mom. If he's traumatized for life, it's solely her fault.”
Image credits: BodyWorn by Utility (not the actual photo)
Bored Panda contacted Kiva Schuler, who is the Founder and CEO of The Jai Institute for Parenting, and the author of the ground-breaking book The Peaceful Parenting (R)evolution: Changing the World by Changing How We Parent. She kindly agreed to share her insights regarding the concept of threatening kids and its consequences.
“We often hear about how ‘entitled’, ‘spoiled’, and 'misbehaved’ today's kids are - we hear it in the media, in our social circles, and from our schools. And I'm sorry to come down on the mom of the "thief" in this story, but this is why. If we don't teach our kids that their actions have consequences, and the values and morals that are vital to their future success, how will they learn?” Kiva emphasized.
Additionally, she says that there is a necessary distinction to make: every kid is going to break rules and test limits and that doesn’t mean that the child is bad, they are just trying to understand how the world works. The parents’ role is to allow kids to own up to their actions and take responsibility. “When we don't step into this role, we are literally showing our children that they can do whatever they want to have whatever they want,” the founder said.
“The big lie, as we see it at The Jai Institute for Parenting, is that kids need threats, harsh punishments and to be scared into ‘good behavior,’” Kiva notices. And the thing is that they don’t - good people also make mistakes, but they also take this responsibility and clean up the mess that they made.
Moreover, speaking about this exact situation, the author says that “The family who sent the cop to this home crossed a line, and honestly, I'd be furious. This sends a dangerous message to this child. This child is going to interpret this action to mean that he is a 'bad person,' rather than that he did a 'bad thing.'"
Image credits: Julia M Cameron (not the actual photo)
Now, you may be wondering, what are the strategies parents can employ to teach their children the importance of honesty, respect, and empathy towards others? The founder of The Jai Institute for Parenting says that the best is just to live them and make them an important aspect of family culture. “Kids do as we do, not as we say.”
Additionally, Kiva shared an excerpt from her book and an example on how to deal when children steal using a peaceful parenting scenario.
So, years ago, the author was driving home from a visit at a friend’s house when during lunch, she noticed that her son had a small brass owl figurine in his hand that she hadn't seen before. Then she calmly asked where it was from and he just said that he found it in the basement at home. However, despite the kid's insistence that it was theirs, the author knew that it was not.
“I’ll remind you, Myles, that in our family, it’s okay to make mistakes and that when we do, we also clean them up,” she said. After explaining that she thought that he took it from a friend’s house and it made her sad, he started crying and shared that he would like to make it right by sending it back with a letter of apology. Later on, he received a letter back from their friend saying that it’s a great thing that he took responsibility and despite wanting something that is not yours, taking it is the wrong thing to do.
“Myles learned not to steal. He also learned that he was normal. He learned that he would be forgiven when he took responsibility for his actions. And (while I can’t be sure) I don’t think he ever stole anything again. The life lesson was lesson enough, as it was supported by empowered conversation, empathy, and clear boundaries rooted in our shared values.”
Redditors had different opinions about the situation; some said that the police visit was too much, while others said that the kid has to learn what’s good and what’s not
