Funerals are always a touchy subject. It is hard for a family to deal with such profound loss. And so, others must do everything to make this process easier. Sadly, sometimes people decide to take the other route, as they let their feelings take over.
For example, the postpartum woman from today's story caused drama in her family because she wanted to take her baby to another baby's funeral. The catch was that the parents of the late baby asked guests not to bring any children to the funeral, as they wanted to grieve in peace.
More info: Reddit
Should you bring your 6-month-old baby to the funeral of a baby of the same age?
Image credits: The Good Funeral Guide (not the actual photo)
This couple got into a fight after the woman couldn't choose if she wanted to stay with her baby daughter at home or go without her to another baby's funeral
Image credits: The Good Funeral Guide (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Eli Solitas (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Educational_Bad_9136
In the end, it was decided that the husband would go alone, which resulted in the wife giving him the silent treatment
The OP and his wife have a 6-month-old baby. And since then, the wife has been struggling with separation anxiety. At the same time, the OP’s brother also had a 6-month-old baby who, sadly, recently passed away.
And so, when the brothers were discussing the funeral, they agreed that the OP’s baby shouldn’t come. And if the wife couldn’t bring herself to leave the baby, it was okay if she wouldn’t come either.
Well, that angered the OP’s wife, as in her words her husband “didn’t defend her”. She wanted to go to the funeral, so the husband offered to leave the baby with someone else they trusted. But that wasn’t an option in the wife's eyes, as she doesn’t trust anyone with the baby. So, the only other option was to stay at home with the baby, but that didn’t satisfy the woman either. She started arguing that the husband should try to convince his brother to let their 6-month-old come.
But the husband refused to do so. That meant that both the baby and the wife stayed at home, while the OP went to the funeral. This angered the wife so much that she gave her hubby the silent treatment. And he came to Reddit to ask who was wrong here.
And the Redditors had the answer - he was not the jerk, the wife was! They decided that the wife’s request was completely irrational and she had no business getting so mad. While we can agree that the request was quite unreasonable, on the other hand, we should consider that the woman is suffering from postpartum separation anxiety, which makes her reaction at least partially subconscious.
And some commenters considered it by saying that while the OP isn’t a jerk here, he still should be considerate of his wife’s feelings. Others, on the other hand, didn’t care about her condition and said that she seemed like a selfish person. Overall, the consensus was that the husband wasn’t wrong to handle the situation like he did.
Image credits: The Good Funeral Guide (not the actual photo)
If you ever find yourself in a similar situation where you're questioning whether you should bring your baby to a funeral, there are a few things you need to think about. For example, wouldn’t it be too stressful for you to deal with a kid, who likely doesn’t understand the seriousness of funerals, while you’re trying to grieve? Or maybe you, just like the OP’s wife, cannot leave your baby with someone else or even need it for emotional support?
You also should be considerate of other people’s wishes. Like those of the OP’s brother, who asked the couple not to bring the baby to his baby’s funeral. We can assume that it was hard for the brother and his wife to see another baby of a similar age when they recently lost theirs. Also, they likely wanted nothing to disturb their goodbye. So, if you're ever asked not to bring your baby to a funeral, you should respect these wishes. After all, funerals are extremely vulnerable events.
But these aforementioned factors are not the only ones you should think about. In fact, there are plenty of others:
- Does the baby have proper clothing for the occasion?
- Will the child understand where they and how they should act in such a situation?
- If there’s an open casket, won’t it scare the baby?
- Are the logistics of going to the funeral compatible with traveling with the baby?
Overall, all we can say is that when planning to attend a funeral, you must think about quite a lot of things. Especially if you're planning for your child to accompany you. As we said a few times already - funerals are vulnerable events that require quite a lot of respect for others.
While some netizens shamelessly blamed the wife for her selfishness, others regarded her postpartum separation anxiety as the reason for her reaction
