Teachers don’t get enough credit for all the hard work they do. The long hours spent checking homework, tons of effort put into guiding and supporting their students, countless PTA meetings—it’s all pretty tough. But there are silver linings. Not only are you shaping future generations, but you also sometimes stumble into an impromptu standup show.
#1
One year I was dealing with administrative conflict and was not granted permission to cross state lines for a band contest with my students (out of state trips require board approval). Was forced into a position where I told my students we weren’t able to attend the contest because the trip wasn’t approved. Had a student from Honduras raise his hand. When I called on him the kid said, “Hey, I’m really good at getting across borders undetected. I can figure it out”. I had to leave the room I was laughing so hard. Still remains the funniest thing a student has ever said to me.
203points
#2
I had a really bad cough once. It was a really shaky, echoing, rattly cough. So we're taking a test, and I cough, and a kid yells out "Yo you sound like my mama's 1999 toyota trying to start up in the morning"
I tried to get onto him for talking during the test but honestly I started laughing, which made me cough, which made people laugh, which made me cough...
I tried to get onto him for talking during the test but honestly I started laughing, which made me cough, which made people laugh, which made me cough...
134points
#3
High schoolers were dissing each other, and one informed the other that "you look like Martin Luther King if he never had a dream."
Put my head down laughing in front of the class over that one....
Put my head down laughing in front of the class over that one....
118points
Humor can be incredibly powerful! One study found that humor can have clinical benefits in older adults, as laughing reduces the stress hormone cortisol, which can impair learning and memory by damaging the hippocampus neurons. Humor therapy can be a way to tackle memory deficiencies later on in life.
But everyone can reap the benefits of comedy no matter their age. Laughter boosts our immune systems, reduces stress and anxiety, and helps make us more resilient.
Furthermore, the Mayo Clinic states that laughter also enhances memory, creative thinking, and even hopefulness.
#4
Someone farted in class and it was AWFUL. I said, “Someone needs to go to the bathroom.”
Instantly, one of my 4th graders said, “Someone needs to go to the doctor.”
I couldn’t breathe for 10 minutes and class was done. I lost all control and didn’t care.
Instantly, one of my 4th graders said, “Someone needs to go to the doctor.”
I couldn’t breathe for 10 minutes and class was done. I lost all control and didn’t care.
106points
#5
I have had a student for three years now that devotes a portion of her weekly summary to commenting on my mental and emotional state. "Mr. S seems remarkably stable considering the torment the freshmen put him through. I will watch him closely next week for an anticipated breakdown."
100points
#6
“Sharing is caring! Unless it’s chlamydia.”
“AP means the class is advanced, not the student.”
“She only has a birthday every 4 years? But does she still grow?”
I write great quotes on the side of my board - my kids consider it an honor to be up there. One of my friends actually found me a special quote journal so I can write them down is a book and keep them for posterity.
“AP means the class is advanced, not the student.”
“She only has a birthday every 4 years? But does she still grow?”
I write great quotes on the side of my board - my kids consider it an honor to be up there. One of my friends actually found me a special quote journal so I can write them down is a book and keep them for posterity.
98points
According to Indeed, the average teacher in the United States earns $24.09 per hour or about $38,402 per year. How much you earn will depend a lot on your experience, what city or state you live and work in, and whether you’re employed at a private or public school.
Investopedia notes that based on the US Census Bureau’s data, median household income stood at $69,560 in 2019 and $67,521 in 2020.
Meanwhile, the Social Security Administration states that the national average wage in 2023 was just under $66,622.
#7
Met a student for the first time and in getting to know him, I asked him about his future career goals and what he wants to be when he grows up. He replied, "retired."
98points
#8
My favorite was when the identical twin brother of one of my students came in to say hi to him, and this sixth grader looks at them, and then looks at me wide-eyed and says “is he… from another universe?”.
97points
#9
One of my kids once said “Mr_____. I hit my head in gym. I think I have a conclusion”
“Yes you do. Go to the nurse”.
“Yes you do. Go to the nurse”.
89points
Do we have any current or former teachers reading this today? We’d love to hear about the funniest things your students have ever said in class! Who was the wittiest person in school when you were growing up?
Can you remember if you’ve made any jokes that made the entire class and the teacher laugh out loud? We’d love to hear from you, so if you have a moment, share your thoughts in the comments below.
#10
I taught civics for my apprenticeship year
The first day, my mentor is telling the kids in a class that they will be learning about their rights. A kid raised his hand and asked if we will also be learning about out lefts. Perfect deadpan. I almost lost it.
The first day, my mentor is telling the kids in a class that they will be learning about their rights. A kid raised his hand and asked if we will also be learning about out lefts. Perfect deadpan. I almost lost it.
88points
#11
Had a student who spoke like and had the humor of an 80 year old man. Kid would make comments under his breath and was genuinely just so funny. I was so happy that he broke out of his shell by the end of the year, as I was the only teacher who paid close enough attention to his humor at the beginning of the year. Lord, hearing a 12 year old go “kids these days” unironically is still one of my favorite moments as a teacher.
87points
#12
Last year one of the boys was trying to demonstrate a kick to his friends (while my back was to him) and his croc flew off his foot and hit the ceiling pretty loudly. I turned to look just as the croc was hitting the floor and we stare at each other for a sec before he goes, with full apologetic sincerity, “I’m sorry, they weren’t in sports mode, that was my bad.” I couldn’t even get mad.
85points
#13
When I was a student-teacher teaching Middle Schoolers, I was explaining that the some elements are unstable an only appear for a extremely short time.
One student literally uttered "Just like my dad" (him and his friend were giggling). I'm just thankful that my mask was on bc it was taking every fibre in my body to not laugh.
One student literally uttered "Just like my dad" (him and his friend were giggling). I'm just thankful that my mask was on bc it was taking every fibre in my body to not laugh.
83points
#14
1) class on Mozart, telling them how he never finished his last work, it was instead completed by his student Franz Xaver Süßmayr. I tell them how Süßmayr actually went to the same school I did, "omg really, were you in the same class as him?"
2) classic rock music from the 50s and 60s, talking about how the electric guitar is one of the most discernable elements for that genre, one student asks if they really had electric guitars in the 50s, another one goes "omg alex, if they had atom bombs in WW2 they also had electric guitars".
2) classic rock music from the 50s and 60s, talking about how the electric guitar is one of the most discernable elements for that genre, one student asks if they really had electric guitars in the 50s, another one goes "omg alex, if they had atom bombs in WW2 they also had electric guitars".
82points
#15
One of my students used to break out with, "Oh Laward y'all need to find Jesus" when other kids were acting out. To this day when I run into him he gets a big hug.
78points
#16
I was teaching an adult class made up of a mixture of 19+ childcare students and ESOL students. I'd put some images up of celebrities on the board and asked the learners to come up with language techniques based on an image. I went around the room for answers and came to an ESOL lady who said, "Her make-up is slapped on like semen". I almost choked. Immediately I presumed I'd misheard her (some chatting going off) and asked her to repeat herself. "Her make-up is slapped on like semen". I almost died. The other learners were whispering/giggling. She repeated it again. It was only when she started miming saying "Like semen... Semen on the floor!" that I realised she meant cement! It was a valuable lesson on pronunciation 😂.
74points
#17
My AP physics class was tasked with presenting the portions of a chapter because they bombed a test.
This group totally hams its way though their presentation. It was bad. It wasn't even cp level good.
At one point it dawned on them how badly it was going and they all just kind of decided to pack it in.
As they're doing so my best student says "Oh no, my education!" In the most deadpan disinterested voice.
Thank God the room was dark, or else they might have seen me convulsing and turning blue holding in metric tons of laughter.
This group totally hams its way though their presentation. It was bad. It wasn't even cp level good.
At one point it dawned on them how badly it was going and they all just kind of decided to pack it in.
As they're doing so my best student says "Oh no, my education!" In the most deadpan disinterested voice.
Thank God the room was dark, or else they might have seen me convulsing and turning blue holding in metric tons of laughter.
74points
#18
I had a student who used a joke to open his “Animal Adaptations “ book he wrote. The joke was… What to you call a chameleon that doesn’t change color…. A reptile dysfunction. I’m pretty sure it was intentional, and it was hilarious.
73points
#19
Student handed me a pen and a blank paper. Told me it was my do it yourself birthday card.
72points
#20
I worked at a summer program for international youth. One day students were going around saying 1 word about how they felt right then. Most were predictable: hot, itchy, homesick, etc.
I had one student, B, who was Crow Native American, and he and his cousin were two of the largest human beings I’ve ever met. At 16, he was over 6 feet tall and probably weighed more than 200 lbs. He was definitely overweight, but he was also simply enormous.
This particular day, when it was his turn to say how he was feeling, and he leaned back in his chair, looked me straight in the eye and said “Sexy.” then winked at me.
My co-teacher had to take over as I stepped out of the room laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe. I could hardly look at the kid for a couple of days after that.
I had one student, B, who was Crow Native American, and he and his cousin were two of the largest human beings I’ve ever met. At 16, he was over 6 feet tall and probably weighed more than 200 lbs. He was definitely overweight, but he was also simply enormous.
This particular day, when it was his turn to say how he was feeling, and he leaned back in his chair, looked me straight in the eye and said “Sexy.” then winked at me.
My co-teacher had to take over as I stepped out of the room laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe. I could hardly look at the kid for a couple of days after that.
72points