Bundles of joy or bundles of sleepless nights, pains, cries, and mess. Kids. Some people crave to have them, to have large families with their young running across the lawn, playing in the sunshine, and embracing all the best that life has to offer. But on the other side, you have the people that just want some gosh darn peace and quiet.
Today, we’re exploring the latter kind of people, those who’ve chosen to live a life that is childfree. Speaking with Veronica Prager, a 46-year-old woman, who founded "The Childfree Connection" with her partner Rick, we explored the nooks and crannies of what life is like without kids, why it still faces such backlash, and how the discussions on what is wrong and what is right can be quieted.
Although Veronica is currently living a fulfilling and joyful childfree life in Austin, Texas, confident in the choices she made, that wasn’t always the case. Her journey towards a childfree life was “an extremely confusing and shaky” one, she told Bored Panda. “I felt stuck as I waited for the ‘magical day’ when clarity would strike and my fears and doubts about choosing this path would go away,” she said.
When she was in her 20s and 30s, she was quiet when the topic of kids came up. “When asked when I was going to have a baby, I would ignore it or dismiss it or say something complacent like ‘maybe later,’” she said. Although she felt amazing about her choice, she was scared of sharing her opinion.
“It took action and self-development work to remove the societal shame and feel proud of my decision,” she continued. To help others along their journey, she and her partner Rick decided to start the Childfree Connection community, where people can connect directly with one another, receive the support they need, and celebrate their choices.
Although we’d hope people would just live and let live, going childfree tends to cause a lot of uproar and debate in families, communities, and society as a whole. In Veronica’s opinion, it all stems from divisiveness: “When people are on the opposite end of anything, it can ignite this gap.”
“When someone has a strong conviction about their ‘side’ it can be difficult for them to validate an opposing opinion. When people operate in this dynamic, it can feel empowering to root for their side and protest the other,” she stated. Another reason she pointed out was a lack of empathy.
“Putting ourselves in other people’s shoes can be very challenging for some people,” Veronica continued to say. “We have no idea about a stranger’s trauma, goals, financial state or purpose, yet people are still judged for their choices. Having children is a life-altering decision, and if someone decides to opt in or out, they have, hopefully, done a deep-dive into what’s best for them and what will bring them the most joy.”
The last thing Veronica pointed out is that people are just not willing to listen to an opposing opinion. “There is always room for a healthy debate but not for an attack or a dismissive attitude,” she said. “When asked why I’m childfree and I start to explain, I can already tell that some people are preparing their argument as to why parenting is better.”
She believes that most of the community makes the choice to be childfree thoughtfully, mindfully, and after a period of analyzing the pros and cons, and that as long as the opposing side continues to have a closed-minded attitude, the debate will continue.
“The bottom line is that there is no need for debate because we all have the opportunity to respect one another and do better,” Veronica said. “Childfree people and parents can live harmoniously, but it’s up to both sides to make the effort. I should also mention that we have received so much support from parents who completely understand that having children is not for everyone.”
A weighing sense of guilt tends to follow women who choose to be childfree. Lindsey Smith stated that she didn’t want kids, but felt guilty about it. She felt she was wasting her chance, when other couples were struggling to conceive. Furthermore, she felt bad about ending her family’s lineage. Lastly, she felt guilt coming from society’s perception of her choices.
When asked about it all, Veronica stated that pronatalism and conditioning play a strong role in this. “In the traditional life script, women are taught from an early age that becoming a mother will bring them the most joy and fulfillment,” she said. “They learn that having a child is something they will do at some point but aren’t presented with the idea that having children is a choice. They are also exposed to women being celebrated because they are procreating and sacrificing themselves for their children.”
“Childfree women may start to experience shame because they don’t see themselves in that mom box,” she continued. “They start to think that something must be wrong with them because they are constantly reminded that they are being selfish and will regret their decision. The guilt that arises is not theirs to carry, it’s forced on them through society, social media, films, books, etc., and without guidance, they start to believe what they’re told.”
Hopefully sooner than later, the day will come when having kids or not raises no more questions or debate, and when that day comes, Veronica “will be the first to parade down the streets!” Although we’re not quite there yet, she believes that more conversations, increased awareness and more examples of what childfree life looks like will lead to a more understanding society.
The Childfree Connection intends to do just that by connecting, supporting and celebrating childfree people around the world. For those still in debate, they offer the “Is Childfree For Me?” program, helping one find peace and confidence in this very difficult choice. Furthermore, they’ll be hosting their first in-person event in April, so make sure you check out their website if you’re curious to learn more about it. They also have a YouTube channel with lots of content, so have a look there as well!
As you continue through this list, make sure you’re upvoting your favorites and leaving your thoughts in the comments sections, and I shall hope to see you all in the next one! Toodaloo!
