While some people take offense easier than others, it’s safe to assume that most of us know what it feels like to get offended. It can be a direct blow, like an insult, or something more subtle, like a joke; it can even be a misunderstanding, if someone takes your words in a way that wasn’t intended. But no matter the case, it usually leaves a bad taste in the mouth, and rarely makes people’s relationships better.
But if all it brings is unpleasantness, why do people take offense? Well, it’s a complex issue, which often depends on both one person’s intentions, and—arguably more importantly—another person’s perception.
Talking about taking offense in a piece for Psychology Today, licensed clinical psychologist, Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D., noted that quite often, people offend others without intention. “These predominately innocent offenders tend either to be insensitive, in that they don't consider their interactional behavior in terms of its psychological effects—that is, as regards its likely impact on another's thoughts and feelings. Or they simply don't know enough about the other person's history to predict what words or actions might disturb them,” he wrote.
The expert continued to point out that it might be difficult not to take things personally if you’re on the receiving end of certain comments or behaviors. But that doesn't mean the other person’s intent was personal.
The reason we might get offended even when that wasn’t the other person’s intent usually lies within us. According to Dr. Seltzer, most of us possess an ego that is more fragile than we typically realize. “So it's likely that your ego may be more vulnerable than you assumed to experiencing another's behavior as hurtful, hostile, or threatening,” he wrote.
“Given the multitude of insecurities we're subject to in growing up, there exist within us parts that—more than we'd like to admit—remain particularly sensitive to (largely presumed) criticism, abuse, or neglect. And with few exceptions, others are even less aware than we are about what, emotionally, we're susceptible to and can't help but (over) react to.”
The fact that taking offence is very much linked with perception becomes even more evident when we delve into the linguistics of it all. Discussing linguistic research on the topic, Lecturer in Forensic Linguistics at the Aston Institute for Forensic Linguistics, Dr. Tahmineh Tayebi, noted that the words we use aren’t offensive or inoffensive in and of themselves. They’re neutral until context is created.
“Even the most offensive words (for example, the notorious F- or C-words) can be generously used among close friends, as in-group solidarity markers, without anyone ever taking it to heart. It is therefore the context that determines the offensiveness of our words,” the lecturer wrote for The Conversation.
Delving deeper into what exactly makes people take offense, Dr. Tayebi explained that it usually entails experiencing negative emotions evoked by a word or an action that is in conflict with our expectations and what we believe to be right, appropriate, moral, or acceptable.
Though, people’s expectations and beliefs can differ quite significantly, so it’s no surprise that their views regarding being offended do, too. Pew Research Center found that more than six-in-ten adults in the US believe that nowadays, “people being too easily offended by things others say” is a major problem in the country. At the same time, nearly half of US adults believe that “people saying things that are very offensive to others” is a major problem as well.
Just like words or jokes, memes, too, can be offensive to some people. But if you’re a fan of this type of humor, as well as other kinds of memes, continue to our meme category for more funny content and have fun!
