If you ever felt like online dating became significantly more challenging compared to when you first signed on to the apps, you might not be imagining it, as experts say that it has become more difficult to find potential suitors online.
“Online dating has become more challenging since it first started, but it may not be why you think,” said leading online dating coach in the US and founder of A Little Nudge, Erika Ettin.
“The tools—the dating sites/apps themselves—keep improving and adapting to the times. But with more widespread use comes more people. And with more people and more anonymity comes worse behavior—ghosting, etc. So, it's not that the apps are inherently harder. It's that when something gets saturated, it's both hard to stand out and harder to w**d through everyone,” she explained.
“When I first started online dating in the early 2010s, it seemed a lot easier to connect with matches—mainly because it was simple to search and filter people instead of having to swipe away endlessly (which I think can lead to overwhelm and decision fatigue),” added relationship expert, love coach, dating empowerment mentor, and founder of Your Second Soulmate, Michaela Lambert.
She also points out several other factors that get in the way of successful online dating experiences, including paid subscriptions, algorithms that prioritize engagement over genuine compatibility, shifting relationship norms, and post-pandemic dating anxieties.
Meanwhile, relationship and dating coach and founder of Single To Couple, Mila Smith, believes that today’s challenge in online dating is too much choice. “Gradually, online dating has become the most popular way to meet potential partners, so the database of members is enormous, as is the number of various platforms. This creates an illusion of abundance. However, on closer inspection, most matches turn out to be unsuitable.”
This is where another big struggle with online dating comes in. With so many options, it can be hard to commit. “The downside is that some people find it difficult to make a decision because they assume there is always someone better around the corner,” said Smith to Bored Panda.
“'Swiping' left and right on dating apps has practically become a lifestyle for many. In addition, as the overall number of online daters has increased, the number of frauds and scammers has increased as well.”
Ettin says that for her clients, the biggest challenge is the lack of communication, whether that would be their intentions, their desires, their interest, or their lack of interest. “With so much technology available to us, it's easy to hide behind a screen when an in-person conversation would be much more appropriate. And, of course, people struggle with writing their profile and knowing how to effectively use the apps. That's what I'm here for—to teach those skills,” she said.
The online dating struggle list goes on, as Lambert also mentions that the fear of rejection, burnout, and cynicism can develop for those who have been on dating apps for years. “Repeated disappointments can lead to a feeling of hopelessness or feeling stuck in unhealthy patterns,” she explained.
But all hope is not lost. There are still ways to make the online dating experience successful. For instance, Smith advises keeping a positive attitude and growing a thicker skin. “Positive attitude doubles your chances of success, whilst negativity only attracts more negativity. If you “hit the wall” with someone, simply move on—it’s not wise to invest too much time and emotions at such an early stage.”
Meanwhile, Lambert suggests clarifying your vision and values. “Know what you're looking for in a partner and relationship. When you’re aligned with your deeper needs and values, it’s easier to identify meaningful connections.”
Learning from your past dating experiences and investing in personal growth can also help make online dating more successful, she notes. “Reflect on your past dating experiences and identify where your habits may be holding you back. For instance, are you drawn to unavailable partners or dismissing people too quickly? The more self-aware and healed you are, the more likely you are to attract growth—someone who complements and supports your journey.”
