To gain a deeper understanding of the dynamics within friendships, we reached out to Sarah Siegert, an expat friendship coach. On her Instagram, Sarah creates content that helps other people in building meaningful friendships. Additionally, she provides personalized consultations for those who seek tailored guidance.
We wanted to know how Siegert became an expert in this field. She told us: “I became a friendship coach because when I moved abroad 4.5 years ago, friendships (new and existing ones) were the biggest struggle for me to navigate. I had a hard time leaving friends behind in my home country but even more so, I struggled to make friends in the country I moved to. It had a hugely negative effect on all areas of my life and so I had to do something about it.”
Sarah shared with us some personal experiences: “There were no friendship coaches available to me at that time which meant I had to do all the work myself, which was difficult. I improved my relationship with myself immensely which was the biggest step and improvement that allowed me to meet new people and make new friends. Since then I've built an incredible circle of friends and I'm feeling happier in my friendships than ever before.”
“During that work, it became apparent that an incredibly large amount of people struggle to make friends once they enter the 'adult age' for several different reasons. This obviously also applies to expats who struggle even more due to apparent reasons such as the language barrier and different cultures they're navigating in a foreign country, which make it even harder for them.”
Siegert continued: “Yet there are not many friendship coaches out there, especially not for expats, which is why I decided to become one having experienced everything myself and having also got the professional knowledge needed.
”The friendship expert told us more about what she believes is the most significant impact she can make in people's lives through her coaching: “The thing I help my clients with the most is to create the emotions they need to build meaningful friendships within themselves, unrelated to anything external. That means that my clients learn how to feel worthy, self-confident, safe, supported, loved, and appreciated no matter what other people are or are not doing."
"That independence and control allow them to naturally form deep and meaningful friendships that are of such high quality because they don't need their friends to fulfill their own needs.”
As we all know, building new friendships as adults can be challenging. We were wondering what advice Sarah would give to individuals who struggle to make new friends and expand their social circle. The expert said: “The biggest advice I can give is that the basis of a healthy and meaningful friendship is the relationship you have with yourself. If that relationship isn't healthy, none of your other relationships can be. You need to be in a place where you love yourself and can fulfill your own needs independently so that you can go out, make friends, and enjoy those connections rather than needing something from them. Then, making friends is simple: meet new people and connect with them.”
The friendship coach continued: “You can meet people online or in person and connect with them by having conversations, listening to them, getting to know them, showing curiosity and willingness to learn from them. You also need to be open and vulnerable to share your true self with them.”
We also found out that: “Another huge lesson is to be patient! It can take a while in order for us to call someone a good friend so don't give up if it doesn't 'work' straight away.”
Communication plays a crucial role in maintaining healthy friendships. We asked Siegert if she could share some effective strategies she teaches her clients to enhance their communication skills with friends. Sarah told us: “First of all, it's important for you to become aware of what you want to communicate - how do you feel, what do you think, what would you like to share and why? You need to also get clear on the purpose of why you want to communicate a piece of information with your friend, what result do you want to achieve?”
“Your friends aren't responding for fulfilling your expectations or following what you think is right, that is a huge lesson to learn. Once you are clear on what/why you want to communicate something, you should work on being brave and courageous enough to have an honest conversation with your friend. Being safe enough to put yourself out there and to be vulnerable enough to share what you truly think.”
Lastly, since our post features so many brilliant memes dedicated to ‘real besties’ and friendship in general, we were curious if Sarah could tell us how she perceives the role of humor in strengthening and maintaining deep, meaningful friendships. The coach explained: “Humor is something we connect with people over, it can be a factor people take into consideration to determine how much they feel attraction towards someone. So it can create and strengthen a connection or be the reason people choose not to connect with each other.”
“Humor can also be a fun and light way to deal with difficult situations such as arguments or disagreements. Just be mindful of checking that your friend has the same sense of humor or appreciates using humor in those situations as that can vary from person to person.”
