Our 8 Sacred Gold Tattooists Reveal Their Wildest “You Won’t Believe This” Moments

With 26 years of experience, Fernando has seen enough weirdness to fill a book. When asked, “What’s something a client has done that made you uncomfortable?” he had two eras of chaos to share.

Story One: Early-Career Naked Surprise “Back in Brazil, at the start of my career, I was tattooing a woman’s back. We used to weld our own needles, so the setup took a while. When I finally turned around, she was standing there completely naked. I was shocked — young me, absolutely shaking while putting on the stencil. She said, ‘I need to be naked. I don’t want to get my dress dirty.’” Technically logical. Emotionally traumatizing.

Story Two: The Persistent Client “A few days ago, a lady insisted on having a Brazilian artist. So I volunteered. Then she started insisting — repeatedly — that I come to her house instead of the studio. For the record: I absolutely did not.” Sometimes, you just have to say no.

Our resident artist, Maria, had a moment that still lives rent-free in her mind: “I had a customer coming in for a tattoo on the side of his hip. Pretty simple. He tells me, ‘I’m just going to go get ready.’ I’m thinking… You don’t really need to get ready. You just need to pull your waistband down a bit. Easy. But he disappears — and comes back wearing a bright green Borat mankini. The whole thing: the straps, the lift, the commitment. I’m standing there like, oh my God… that is WAY too much information. I just told him, ‘Mate… just keep your boxers on. That’s more than enough.” Sometimes clients prepare a little too hard.

Studio owner João wrapped things up with a pair of truly iconic stories — one as a tattooist, and one as a client.

Story One: The Human Boulder. “I had a client who could NOT stay still. Not from pain — he just… couldn’t. I told him, ‘If you can find a way to stay still, I’ll tattoo you faster.’ Next session, he shows up calm. Very calm. Suspiciously calm. He lies down and immediately falls into a deep sleep. Completely immovable. Snoring like a chainsaw — loud enough that every artist was begging me to wake him up. Honestly? I was thrilled. I tattooed faster than ever. He never did tell me what he took.” Sleep paralysis demon chic.

Story Two: The Switzerland Disaster “For the second session of my backpiece, I flew to Switzerland to see Filip Leu. I told myself, ‘One beer won’t hurt.’ Next thing I knew, I’d partied all night. Running on almost no sleep, I show up for my appointment. After a few hours, I head to the bathroom. While I’m peeing, the floor suddenly… turns to jelly. It’s spinning. I’m thinking, ‘What’s wrong with this floor?’ Then I fall. Onto my freshly tattooed back. Straight through the solid wooden door, breaking it clean off. Everyone rushes over and there I am — naked, on the floor, like a tragic Renaissance painting. Not the floor’s fault. My 27-year-old fault.” Tattoo lesson: hangovers and backpieces do not mix.

Next, we asked Matt: “What’s the worst spot someone has asked you to tattoo?” He took a deep breath. “Not the worst, but definitely the most unexpected. I thought I was tattooing someone’s stomach. They lift their shirt — suddenly they’re completely naked. They point down there and go, ‘I want a barcode right here.’ I had definitely not mentally prepared for that, but okay, I guess we’re doing this now. So I just dipped and ripped, and they got their barcode exactly where they wanted it. I never asked what it meant. Honestly… I don’t think I want to know.” Some things are better left unscanned.

We eased into the questions by asking tattooist Shanji: “What’s the weirdest thing someone’s ever asked you to tattoo?” He didn’t even have to think. “It was a Latin script. As I’m tattooing, I’m trying to figure out what it actually says. The client was quiet, but the other guy he was with kept giving all the instructions—where it goes, how big it should be. And it wasn’t even HIS tattoo. So I’m sitting there thinking… what’s going on? Eventually, I work it out. The word is ‘slave.’ In Latin. And suddenly everything makes sense. I had unintentionally been pulled straight into their—apparently very kinky—world. A tattoo threesome. Unfortunately.” A career in tattooing: come for the art, stay for the accidental BDSM participation.

Tattooist Angel gave us a story that started mundane and then took a sharp left turn: “I’d just begun tattooing someone when I noticed a puddle on the floor. I panic — thinking, crap, is there a leak?! Nope. No leak. The client had just… peed himself. Right there. Mid-tattoo. Just a little wee-wee, I guess.” Some people cry during tattoos. Some people… release other things.

Tattooist Mon had a story that was equal parts creepy and unforgettable: “A client came in asking me to tattoo crosses over some… let’s call them ‘diabolical symbols’ he already had. He explained that years ago, he’d gotten those tattoos as part of a pact with the devil. At the time, he didn’t take it seriously — but then, suddenly, he started getting rich and successful. The problem? Everyone around him started getting sick or dying. He wanted help and even tried going to a priest for an exorcism, but every appointment was mysteriously cancelled, rescheduled, or the priest just wasn’t available. So, we decided to do what we could. I covered the symbols with crosses. I did the tattoos, but a few days later… let’s just say my sleep got very interesting. Nightmares, strange dreams — you name it. Definitely one of the most unsettling experiences of my career.” Tattooing sometimes requires spiritual courage, too.

Studio manager Vivi had a call that made her question humanity — and the calendar: “It’s December 31st — the last day of the year. I pick up the phone, and the client asks if we can tattoo his… [redacted] to make it darker. Naturally, I pause. Then, because I’m a professional (sort of), I ask, ‘Okay… how big are we talking?’ — you know, for a proper price quote. I even jokingly asked him to send a picture so we could estimate the time required. Surprise! He never sent one. But seriously… ringing in the New Year with a call about someone’s [redacted]? That’s a story I’ll never forget. Honestly, 2025 already has some stiff competition for weirdest start to the year.” Lesson learned: if you think your clients’ requests are wild, just wait until New Year’s Eve.