If you ever tried looking for your significant other through an app, you know it can be a long and time-consuming process. To better understand the world of online romance, we reached out to dating coach Hayley Quinn, who helps both men and women build their confidence, make friends, and get their mojo back.
“Online dating has given people the opportunity to meet and date far more people than they would have been able to do in real life,” she told Bored Panda. Additionally, it’s also been “a valuable lifeline for singles during the pandemic.”
Yet, she wonders if all these choices are a good thing. “Some people argue that dating apps have made people not want commitment,” she said. “In my opinion, dating apps aren’t good or evil, they just reflect social trends and people’s behavior. So if you’re not getting what you want from dating apps, look at how you’re interacting with the app first before you decide they don’t work!”
Meeting people online has its perks, especially for many “time-poor young professionals.” Often, this is the only way they can go out with someone. “If you live in a geographically remote area, [dating apps] also give you the ability to meet and interact with people,” Quinn added. “Meeting in real life does have some advantages though: your dates are likely to be less flakey, and have more in common with you, particularly if you met through friends.”
While searching for your dream partner online, it’s easy to get hung up on a person’s description or the way they look. “However, what’s more important than looks for long-term happiness is how someone interacts with you: are they consistent? Is it easy to communicate with them? Do they make time for you in the real world, or are they more interested in getting followers on social media?”
“We’ve all had nightmarish dating experiences, so rest assured you’re not alone, and don’t create the belief that because a bad experience happened once that it will happen again,” the dating coach continued. “When you’re dating online, be careful of how much information you reveal before you get to know someone,” she explained how most apps now allow people to make video calls or do virtual speed dating before meeting in person.
“This might be safer than sending them your phone number. Always meet in a public place and tell a friend what your plans are. If you regularly don’t click with your dates, try to have a video chat in the app to check out the chemistry before committing to meet them IRL,” Hayley Quinn advised.
James Preece, also known as The Dating Guru, said that people should look at dating apps like Match or Tinder simply as a tool: “Your success comes only through using them the right way.” He told Bored Panda that most people upload the first photos they find in their galleries and only write a few sentences about themselves “because they aren’t sure what to do.”
“This can become a real challenge as you’ll only see similar low-quality profiles. There are a lot of timewasters on the apps, so it can be tough to wade through them and realize who might be worth your time.”
When it comes to choosing between online or offline dating, he recommended trying everything. “Online dating is fast and something you can do from your home and without having to approach anyone,” he noted. “This limits the risk of rejection but also means people can hide behind their phone.”
Meanwhile, participating in events, singles parties, and meeting face to face “can allow a much higher chance of a connection.” Such encounters have a higher cost and require more effort from both dates. “A mixture of both online and offline is going to boost your chances as you are taking some form of action,” Preece said.
If you want to meet a great match on Tinder, there are some things you should keep in mind. “You have to market yourself the right way,” the dating guru advised. “If you just do it half-heartedly then you’ll only have below average results. Never forget that your profile is an advert for you.” So try to make it clear what your expectations are and what dating you might be like.
Still, if you’ve had too many nightmarish experiences and ended up feeling frustrated with the app, Preece mentioned there are two things you need to do. “Firstly, give it a break and consider deleting the account and starting again. This time round, use great photos and make a full effort on a different app with a different database.”
Next, you can always consider getting help from experienced dating coaches. “We can help put the fun back into the whole experience by shortcutting the process and showing you how to use the apps the right way.”
“If you end up interacting with horrific people, then please make sure you report them to the site. That way, they’ll remove them and stop others from having the same bad experience as you. Most people will be nice, but if everyone stands up against the losers and helps each other, the apps will be more productive,” James Preece concluded.
