Relationship experts agree that relationships nowadays are quite different from those of our parents and grandparents.
"Today’s relationships are far more emotionally complex. We expect our partners to be everything: best friend, lover, co-parent, emotional anchor, and even a source of purpose and transcendence. In the past, relationships were built primarily for stability and survival, providing a home, lineage, and social security, not necessarily deep companionship," explains licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of Relationship Experts, Idit Sharoni.
"Now, love has become the ultimate life project, and that can be both empowering and overwhelming. The modern ideal of partnership asks two people to meet almost all of each other’s needs, which creates incredible opportunities for intimacy but also enormous pressure."
Certified life and relationship coach Laura suggests that what has brought many changes to modern relationships is technology.
"Not only with how we meet people, but also through how we communicate. We now have terms like 'phubbing', which is when someone ignores you while they're on their phone. Not being present because of multitasking is an obstacle for many modern couples," she says.
"We also have the challenge of choice overload. Nowadays, we're bombarded with endless couples on social media and countless users on dating apps. It's easy to compare and to feel stuck. While social media has made us more aware of boundaries, red flags, and attachment styles, some advice online can oversimplify complex issues. Sometimes, it can lead us to overanalyse."
Making this modern kind of relationship work brings many challenges, one of which Sharoni mentions is being everything for your partner all the time.
"We have stopped turning to communities, extended families, and friendships for emotional support, which places enormous pressure on one relationship to meet every need. When that inevitably proves impossible, couples can feel like they are failing when, in fact, they are just human."
Another challenge that modern relationships face, according to Laura, is stress.
"Many of us are in a constant state of busyness. By the time we get home and see our partners, there's little time or energy to invest.
Instead of having quality time together, it's easy to sit in front of the TV with our phones. Messages, voice notes and social media updates can make us feel more connected. But often, these tools encourage us to centre our conversations around day-to-day mundanity. Consider how much of your conversation during the week with your partner focuses on dinner, shopping and errands. Then think about how often you use your phone to discuss intimacy and feelings."
To overcome such difficulties, Sharoni recommends couples embrace connection and individuality.
"Partners who understand that love has seasons of closeness and distance are better able to keep communication open and maintain the sense of 'us against the world.' At the same time, allowing space for autonomy breathes oxygen into the relationship, keeping it alive, resilient, and full of respect for each person’s individuality."
Meanwhile, Laura advises practicing listening, effective communication, awareness, respect, and trust.
"Today's relationships have to be mindful of distractions. We give our best selves when we show up fully present. Spend time with your partner alone. Put your phones away and find an activity away from tech," she says.
"While it can seem unappealing, scheduling time together is a good way to put energy back into your relationship. It tells you both that your time together is non-negotiable. It's in the calendar just like your dentist appointment and work meeting.
In a fast-moving world, mindfulness and patience are two skills to practice. When we're stressed and tired, we may quickly jump to conclusions and rush to voice our frustration. Finding a few minutes each day to reflect helps us regulate our feelings and not project onto our partners."
