Everyone needs something to take the edge off. For Reddit user AtreidesOne, that something is video games. The 42-year-old has been enjoying them throughout his entire life and believes he has managed to do so without having to sacrifice much else.
However, the man's wife recently told him that the hobby makes him look childish and less attractive. Considering that she's always been aware of how he spends his free time, he was shocked and didn’t really know what to make of the sudden news. So, he turned to the internet for help.
This 42-year-old has always loved to wind down by enjoying a video game
Image credits: Erik Mclean / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
But after years of marriage, his wife suddenly had an issue with it
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: AtreidesOne
Image credits: Guillaume Issaly / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Long-term relationships can suffer even if nobody was betrayed
Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, a New York City-based clinical psychologist and professor at Yeshiva University, told Bored Panda, "It's common for partners to lose attraction for each other in long-term relationships due to stress and burnout, which could occur either within or outside (e.g., work, family, friendship problems) of the relationship."
"Additionally, as the relationship becomes more stable and consistent, often less effort is contributed to maintaining it, which often results in less quality time spent engaging in shared hobbies, experiencing novelty experiences together, and showing mutual interest in each other’s lives outside the relationship."
Because of that, Romanoff said, priorities can shift away from maintaining the relationship (once it's been safely established), and this could lead to partners feeling emotionally, physically, and intellectually neglected. "The predictability of being with your partner long-term can start to make intimacy feel stale and boring," the clinical psychologist said.
The good thing is that these processes are reversible. But it takes work. "Reigniting the spark rarely starts with physical intimacy. Instead, look at how you both are connecting emotionally and intellectually. Does the relationship feel safe? Do you laugh together? Are you each there for the other in times of vulnerability and need? Do you have emotional intimacy? Try to increase each of these experiences with your partner by being more vulnerable, sharing your feelings, being a more active listener, and also by reducing blaming and defensive posturing," Romanoff explained.
"Next, increase experiences of fun, novelty, and entertainment together. Reflect on [them] and express gratitude to each other for what you genuinely appreciate in your partner. Plan date nights. Try a new class or hobby. Find a new funny show you both adore. Make more effortful moments of physical contact, like holding hands, giving back rubs, and hugging."
Once the groundwork is done, you can then begin to spice up your physical intimacy by introducing variation and new experiences in the bedroom.
In response to some of the most common questions, the guy clarified a few important points
And later joined the discussion that unfolded in the comments
The couple's problems are likely larger than video games
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (or the DSM-5), which is the American Psychiatric Association's professional reference book, includes a section on the warning signs of problematic video gaming.
According to its criteria, you need to have five or more of these signs in one year to qualify:
- Thinking about gaming all or a lot of the time;
- Feeling bad when you can't play;
- Needing to spend more and more time playing to feel good;
- Not being able to quit or even play less;
- Not wanting to do other things that you used to like;
- Having problems at work, school, or home because of your gaming;
- Playing despite these problems;
- Lying to people close to you about how much time you spend playing;
- Using gaming to ease bad moods and feelings.
Image credits: Curated Lifestyle / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
If the post's author is honest about his relationship with his computer, it doesn't sound like he has an issue.
Furthermore, a study by the University of Oxford on video games and well-being that involved 39,000 participants has concluded that gaming has no measurable effect on well-being or overall life satisfaction. So, it really can just be a way to spend time.
Attraction consists of a combination of a person's physical, mental, emotional, and intellectual attributes.
While stability and security are important ingredients in a healthy long-term relationship, as Dr. Romanoff said, getting too comfortable with each other can make the partnership feel predictable and stale.
People eagerly shared their advice for him
