We as a society have long realized there isn’t one right way to raise a child. While some parents prefer to be strict and enforce rules, others choose to be more permissive and lenient. While some are more cautious and involved, others can be more laid back or distant. The only thing that matters is that the chosen parenting style supports children’s healthy growth and development.
These parents have decided to lead with a more authoritarian style, demanding respect and imposing strict rules and punishments if they aren’t followed. Recently, their teen shared how they reached a breaking point after he delayed vacuuming the living room for which (in addition to other things) he was kicked out of the house.
Parents with authoritarian parenting styles demand respect and impose rules and punishments if they aren't followed
Image credits: pixel-shot.com (not the actual image)
After coming out, this teen had to go through all of it until he was kicked out of the house
Image credits: Mizuno K (not the actual image)
Image credits: Kindel Media (not the actual image)
Image credits: ligmaforknife
Authoritarian parents use rigid discipline, which often is justified as ‘tough love’
Even though the teenager’s coming out as gay has a lot to do with how his parents are acting, they seem to be raising their children in an authoritarian style. These parents often have high demands, enforce strict rules with little consideration for their kids’ feelings, and expect them not to question the reasons behind their rules.
Such parenting style uses rigid discipline, which often is justified as ‘tough love.’ In order to feel like they’re the ones in control, they usually talk with their children without wanting input or feedback, expecting them to obey them without any questions. This may sound harsh, but most authoritarian parents mean well by this. They think that stern discipline will raise capable, well-rounded, and high-achieving people.
In a sense, they’re right about this, as children who grow up with authoritarian parents are often well-behaved. Since they are given a set of clear expectations, it’s easier for them to follow and adhere to adult expectations.
However, in the long run, this can negatively affect kids. "Children whose behavior is largely dependent on a strict regimen of do's and don'ts will base their own self-worth on whether or not they have obeyed the rules put into place by their parents," said licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Jeff Nalin.
Given that behaving well is largely driven by fear, it can also hinder children’s natural ability to make choices, which lowers their self-esteem.
Contributing to the household can make teenagers feel more competent and confident
Completion of chores may be one of the strict rules that authoritarian parents implement with their kids, just as the parents from the story did. It’s a great rule to have, as contributing to the household can make them feel more competent and confident. Helping around the house also gives them the skills necessary to function on their own. A child who has never cooked or cleaned their room isn’t prepared to live on their own.
Even though parents should assign chores and keep clear expectations about their completion, their approach should be rooted in positive reinforcement and logical consequences. While teenagers already resemble adults, their brains aren’t yet fully developed. Their ability for rational decision-making is still evolving so they don’t always make the best decisions.
When disciplining teenagers who have avoided doing their chores, it’s best to lead with patience and thoughtfulness. Instead of over-punishing and making them retract without listening or escalating the situation, adults should let them suffer the consequences of their actions. If, for example, they don’t do laundry, they shouldn’t do it for them. This will quickly make them realize the chore’s importance, as they’ll no longer have clean clothes to wear.
Another option experts suggest is to limit their access to technology until their responsibilities are taken care of. The most important thing is to enforce such consequences calmly, without harming family relationships.
Some readers believed that the parents were wrong in this situation
While others thought the teenager was being lazy
