Most people would agree that simply being around does not make one responsible for someone else’s children, while their parents are perfectly sound and available. However, some parents, for their own convenience, do not seem to accept such seemingly obvious boundaries and tend to shift their responsibilities to others without it being consensual. Such was the experience of this Redditor, who had to go as far as to alter her state of consciousness to prevent her brother-in-law’s family from trying to pawn their children on her while visiting her house.
More info: Reddit
A woman had to watch her relative's kids every time they came to visit, so she made sure it didn't happen this time
Image credits: eberhard grossgasteiger (not the actual image)
Usually, her husband will drink beer with his brother and dad, while her MIL and SIL will go on winery visits
Image credits: u/Dangerous_Strategy94
Image credits: Kampus Production (not the actual image)
Image credits: u/Dangerous_Strategy94
The woman often ended up responsible for her nieces and nephews at the family's lake house
Image credits: Anete Lusina (not the actual image)
So this time, she made sure she was high at the time when her relatives showed up
Living on a lake does sound amazing, but it is probably true what they say about good things: that they carry a risk of attracting people who might wish to take advantage of their owners. This woman shared that her family often hosts people, as they live on a lake in British Colombia, and while it sounds like a lot of fun having some guests around, it isn't always so to her.
Unfortunately, this woman mostly doesn’t get to enjoy her time when her extended family is visiting, as she gets roped into watching their kids. Her husband, his brother, and their father will drink beer, while her mother-in-law and her sister-in-law will go on winery visits, and she is the one left with the kids.
While people might have different ideas on how to set boundaries, sometimes the best way to make sure something unwanted doesn’t happen is by making sure it isn’t attainable in the first place. Such was this woman’s idea, as she made sure upon arrival of her extended family that she was already high. This meant her husband and his brother were forced to watch the kids and her brother-in-law had to stay sober.
As a result, the woman’s mother-in-law was angry at her, while her husband thought she should have tried to talk to his family for the “fiftieth time”. However, the woman was happy about her plan and she was satisfied with the outcomes, as she has taught her guests a lesson not to ask her if she even wants to watch their kids anymore.
Her husband and his brother got to watch the kids and their mother was livid
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual image)
The woman's husband still thought she should have tried talking to them "for the fiftieth time"
In her book “Drama Free: A Guide to Managing Unhealthy Family Relationships”, Nedra Blover Tawwab suggests strategies for dealing with toxic family dynamics. She notes that as an adult, one is in a position to choose both who one wants to be in a relationship with and how. And this also involves one’s family.
When a relationship with a certain family member becomes difficult, Tawwab recommends to start by deciding for oneself what a “successful” relationship would look like for them. This includes identifying the issues that are affecting one’s relationship with this person and deciding what type of relationship one can realistically have and wants to have with them.
Second, Tawwab advises focusing on the things one is able to control as opposed to trying to change the other person by asking the question: “If this person did not change a single thing, what - if anything - could I do to make the relationship different?” and making a list of one’s answers.
The author also suggests accepting the need to say hard things to one’s family members. Tawwab warns that it is not realistic to expect to tell another person hard things without them possibly feeling upset, mad, or wanting further explanation.
Tawwab emphasizes that change in dysfunctional families is a threat to the system of dysfunction, therefore almost always gets met with disapproval or resentment. However, anticipating such responses can help to deal with them more effectively.
Finally, Tawwab emphasizes the importance of the strategic power of distance, which can help to preserve certain bonds while still establishing a healthier dynamic. The author notes that distancing is not the same as ignoring; it can involve putting some space and time between one another or engaging less with the person on an emotional level.
Redditors were united in backing up the woman
