Becoming an aunt, uncle or grandparent can be incredibly exciting for anyone. Suddenly, there’s a new little family member for you to spoil, play with and guide as they navigate the world. And taking on the role of "fun aunt" or grandparent is great because it typically comes with much less responsibility than being a parent. Yet in some cases, it still somehow becomes a full-time job.
Below, you’ll find a story that a teen recently shared on the “Am I the [Jerk]?” subreddit detailing why she blew up at her sister after she announced some news to the whole family.
Many of us celebrate upon hearing the news that our family is expanding
Image credits: Craig Adderley (not the actual photo)
But after finding out that her sister has another child on the way, this teen couldn’t keep her thoughts to herself
Image credits: Askar Abayev (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Upper-Grocery3568
Later, the teen responded to readers and shared a few more details
"She's always been family oriented, she said her dream was to have a big family"
We reached out to the teen who shared this post, Reddit user Upper-Grocery3568, to hear if she had any updates on the situation, and she was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda. She shared that her sister did return shortly after this, but she proceeded to give them all the silent treatment. "She's just been watching TV and rubbing her stomach every time we eat dinner together," the OP shared.
We were also curious about why the sister has decided to have so many children. "She's always been family oriented, she said her dream was to have a big family," her sister explained. "But we didn't know she'd start this early. It also may be because she's always getting special treatment while pregnant." And in response to the comments on her post, the OP added that she was relieved to hear she hadn't done anything wrong. "I knew deep down I wasn't the AH," she said.
It's not uncommon for grandparents to help raise children
While the most common family dynamic may be a mother and a father raising their children together, nowadays, there are a million different ways to be a family. According to Today’s Caregiver, it’s estimated that 10% of households in Ohio that have children in them have grandparents as the primary caregivers of the kids. And in 2011, the Pew Research Center found that 7.7 million American kids lived in the same household as at least one grandparent.
It can be great to have the extra help that Grandma and Grandpa can provide, and being in close proximity can strengthen the bond between many grandparents and grandchildren. But just because they’re around doesn’t mean the responsibilities of raising a child should be shirked at all by their actual parents. And there’s no question that raising children is a massive responsibility and financial burden.
Investopedia reports that a middle-class family with two kids will now spend about $310,605 on each child between the time that they’re born until they’re 17 years old. And apparently, the largest financial burden when it comes to having kids is housing. American families with kids spend an average of 32% of their incomes on housing, which can get particularly tricky the more children a couple has.
Having kids is a massive financial burden on parents
Food is also a huge expense parents have to take on, spending approximately 27% of their incomes on keeping their families fed. After that, childcare comes in at about 12-29% of parents’ incomes, and then transportation, healthcare and insurance, clothing, extracurricular activities, sports and hobbies, school fees for activities and family trips or vacations take up a significant portion of parents’ incomes.
Because of how time and cost-consuming kids are, it’s important that parents know what they’re getting themselves into when they decide to start a family. As of 2018, 4 in 10 Americans believed that the ideal family size was to have three or more children. Meanwhile, many in Europe agree that having two kids is just enough.
But having two kids is very different from having seven, so according to Sarah Bradley at Verywell Family, there are distinct ways in which having five or more kiddos will affect your parenting. Bradley shares that expectations have to be lowered, and frugality must be embraced. Parents who have that many children have to get used to buying in bulk, buying second hand, repurposing items, using hand-me-downs and ensuring nothing ever goes to waste.
Parents need to understand what they're getting themselves into when they decide to have children
Bradley also says outsourcing is a key aspect of having many kids. This can include delegating responsibilities to older siblings, asking grandparents or other relatives to help out and hiring cleaners or ordering groceries to be delivered. As the saying goes, it really does take a village.
But at the end of the day, it’s the parents’ responsibility to make sure that their children are safe, fed, happy and supported. It is a huge privilege to have help from family members or to be able to afford outside help, but bringing a child into the world should never be taken lightly. If this mom wants to have 7 children, that is her choice. But it’s important that she does take responsibility for all of them.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this teen was right to call out her sister? Or was she being too harsh? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article discussing similar parenting issues, check out this article next.
Some readers assured the teen that her response was justified
Meanwhile, others thought that she, and some of her family members, should have handled the situation more maturely
