It’s important to accept your partner for who they are. Warts and all. Sometimes, that means embracing their rough-edged character or personality quirks. Other times, it means putting up with their hobbies, which they love but you find utterly confusing. Like their love of clowns.
Redditor u/EndFlimsy5850 opened up to the AITA online community about how his girlfriend issued him an ultimatum. She forced him to choose between her and his beloved clown collection, which has been a part of his life since childhood. Scroll down to read how everything played out and to see how the internet reacted to the relationship drama. Bored Panda has reached out to the author for comment, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from him.
Many people find clowns incredibly creepy and disturbing. However, there are plenty of fans, too, who love their aesthetic
Image credits: Leanora2000 / reddit (not the actual photo)
A collector shared how his long-term girlfriend suddenly developed a problem with his clowns, giving him an unfair ultimatum
Image credits: shotprime / envato (not the actual photo)
The collector then shared an update about the fallout between him and his girlfriend
He followed things up with yet another, shorter update
Image credits: EndFlimsy5850
Issuing ultimatums has the potential to damage your relationship and undermine your partner's trust in you
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages / envato (not the actual photo)
To put it bluntly, you need to find a way to accept that your partner might have slightly peculiar hobbies. They might not make sense all the time. They might not be something that you’d be proud of talking about at dinner parties. They might cost a bit of cash every month.
But so long as they bring them happiness, don’t harm anyone, don’t put them in debt, and don’t cross ethical boundaries, let them enjoy whatever it is they like. They might be into painting miniatures, playing video games, or collecting stamps, coins, Lego sets, or anything super niche.
It’s unfair to make someone choose between their healthy obsession on the one hand and you, their partner, on the other. Similarly, you would probably feel slightly put off if they gave you an ultimatum to stop doing something you love or the relationship’s over.
It’s even worse if the ultimatum is just a ‘relationship test’ like the author of the post said his girlfriend gave him. Doing these sorts of ‘tests’ to see how much someone likes you is immature and unhealthy. Ironically, you end up pushing away the very person you like. It’s far healthier (though endlessly more awkward and harder) to sit down and have a chat about your future together.
Obviously, it’s fair to raise questions about your partner’s hobby if you see that it’s having a negative impact not just on them, but also on your shared life. For example, if they’re spending more than they’re earning just to fuel their hobby, clearly, you need to intervene. Maybe gently push them towards counseling for shopping addiction in that case.
Similarly, they might need therapy if their hobby gets so out of control that they’re hoarding boxes and boxes of stuff, without actually enjoying anything. However, hoarding things is vastly different from displaying your hard-won collection of quality items in your home, with pride. Clown figurines and Venetian masks might not be up everyone’s alley, but some people genuinely love the aesthetics.
Relationship therapist Darcy Sterling, LCSW, told Verywell Mind that setting ultimatums in your relationship is equivalent to “nuclear warfare.”
According to the expert, regularly issuing ultimatums in your relationship is emotionally damaging and undermines the sense of security.
Meanwhile, marriage and family therapist Andrea Dindinger, LMFT, points out that ultimatums are never a good idea. That’s because “people make ultimatums when they feel powerless to change the other person.”
According to marriage and family therapist Megan, ultimatums are particularly damaging because “they are threats that force changes in behavior.” This leads to feelings of resentment and insecurity within the relationship.
To put it simply, unless your partner is harming their or someone else’s well-being with their actions, you shouldn’t be handing out ultimatums like it's a bake sale and everything must go.
There are logical reasons why some people are incredibly scared of clowns
Image credits: Barefoot_traveller / envato (not the actual photo)
While some folks love clowns and others have no issue with them, some people feel uncomfortable around them. And a small number of individuals are pathologically afraid of them. And there are actual psychological reasons for this.
Encyclopædia Britannica points out that some of the things people may find unsettling about clowns include their:
- Uncanny makeup that hides their identity and feelings
- Oversized lips and eyebrows that distort their face and make them seem inhuman
- Bizarre costumes
- Unpredictable and mischievous behavior
The fear of clowns is also known as coulrophobia and can cause anxiety, nausea, profuse sweating, and a racing heart.
Some folks with this phobia simply avoid anything related to clowns, like going to birthday parties, trick-or-treating events, circuses, festivals, fairs, some fast food restaurants, and watching certain movies, shows, and commercials. Others try to overcome their fear with exposure therapy.
According to the Cleveland Clinic, exposure therapy in this case can involve:
- Learning various breathing and relaxation techniques
- Looking at images and videos of clowns, including people putting on costumes and makeup
- Step by step, getting to the point where you are physically in the same area as clowns
- Finally being able to be next to a clown or look at a clown image without terror
What are your thoughts, Pandas? What would you have done if you were in the author’s shoes and your partner gave you an ultimatum, forcing you to choose between them and your beloved hobby? Has anyone ever had a problem with any of your hobbies?
What are your thoughts about clowns: do you love ’em or loathe ’em? Could you ever date someone who had a clown collection at home? Let us know in the comments below.
Later, the author of the story shared even more context
Most netizens were on the clown-collector's side. Here's their perspective
Some readers thought that nobody did anything wrong here
Here's how other folks reacted when they read about the relationship drama
A small handful of internet users broke from the mold and said the author was in the wrong
