Deciding to move in together is a big step. Two separate individuals merging their lives under one roof doesn’t always go smoothly. Throw in a difference in cleanliness, schedules, decor preferences and political or religious beliefs and there are bound to be a few bumps in the road. Many couples take a while to find their groove.
One woman’s excitement about moving in with her boyfriend of a year soon turned to dismay when he told her he wouldn’t allow any religious things in "his" new home. The girlfriend has a spiritual altar that she’s not willing to part with. But her Atheist partner wants her to sacrifice it in the name of love. Now, she’s not sure what to do. Bored Panda got some great advice from Rosalinda Randall, a sought-after etiquette and communications expert.
The world is made up of billions of people, all with different spiritual or religious views
Image credits: vadymvdrobot/Envato (not the actual photo)
One woman is now questioning her relationship after her Atheist BF demanded she sacrifice her altar to stay with him
Image credits: svitlanah/Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Direct-Caterpillar77
"Tommy needs to take a grown-up pill": an expert weighs in
When we reach out to renowned etiquette expert Rosalinda Randall for her opinion, she tells us that she knows a few couples who have successfully worked through similar issues. Randall believes it is possible for couples with opposing religious views to have a healthy and happy relationship.
The secret is to discuss and agree on parameters and expectations, she tells Bored Panda. "For example, are they required to attend a holiday gathering? Will you be taking your dog to a 'pet blessing?' In other words, how will your beliefs or practices affect the other person? And, is either person willing to comprise or bend a little?" advised the expert.
Randall adds that if you have strong beliefs, whether for or against any religion or spiritual practices, it would be wise to share those when the relationship begins to evolve from dating to 'let’s-see-where-this goes.'
We asked her how best to bring up the subject of religion with a partner without offending them. "Don’t discuss your differences or point out their religious practices when you’re at a boiling point," she cautioned. "Before stating reasons on why your beliefs make more sense, ask them why they believe what they do. Learn and understand before admonishing them.
"Sometimes, with understanding, which does not equal agreeing with, comes acceptance; something you can both respect and live with," says Randall.
Bored Panda was curious to know what Randall would say to the girlfriend in this situation. "Sometimes we feel our gut alerting us as to how to proceed, but we often ignore it because our focus is on what could be or how it’ll magically work itself out," she replied.
Image credits: Pablo Merchán Montes/Unsplash (not the actual photo)
"You’ve invested one year in a relationship and what have you learned? That your religious beliefs are a part of who you are and wish to continue," added the guru. "That you didn’t see the signs about how Tommy felt about your beliefs. That at this point, either Tommy is not the most suitable long-term partner for you and that you might consider renewing your lease to see how the relationship evolves. Are you willing to hide or stop practicing your religion for Tommy? That this stern request may be the first of other to come. A scary thought."
As for Tommy, Randall thinks he needs to man up. "Tommy needs to take a grown-up pill. Or find himself a girl who likes to be told what she can and cannot do in their rental. Especially without a ring on their fingers!" she exclaimed.
"Tommy had one year to voice his opinion about her altar. Was he being polite because it wasn’t 'their' home?" continued Randall, adding that if being in the presence of the altar was offensive, he should have told her a long time ago.
Randall told Bored Panda that Tommy doesn’t seem to practice the art of compromise, which is a necessary skill when two people are involved. "Why wait until she fell in love? Was Tommy so sure of her devotion thinking that she’d conform to all of his requests?"
The expert said if the woman is still unsure about moving in with Tommy, she'd advise her to talk to a trusted source—whether it’s a clergy member, a parent, or a professional counselor. Randall adds that both partners are at fault for not having discussed their opinions in the year they were together.
"A newsflash for the Tommys out there," said Randall in closing... "Having your name on a lease alongside your girlfriend’s name, does not make it solely 'your house; your rules.'"
Even some Atheists agreed that the boyfriend was out of line
The woman later revealed that her BF had read her post and they'd come to an agreement
Image credits: 1footage/Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Direct-Caterpillar77
Some felt the woman was still ignoring red flags
