Infidelity breaks trust and, without trust, you have nothing. Repairing a relationship after an affair takes time, commitment and the ability for the offended partner to practice a whole lot of forgiveness. It’ll probably mean spending a fair amount of time in a couples' therapist’s office, too.
For one Redditor, his hopes of getting married to his girlfriend went up in flames after he discovered she was having an affair with her boss. Although he was willing to give her a second chance, she ended up lying about it again, so he kicked her out. Now he’s turned to the internet to ask for advice.
More info: Reddit
Guy agreed to moving further away from his work and family so his girlfriend could get a better job
Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual photo)
About a week later, his girlfriend said she wasn’t sure about the relationship and accused him of being unsupportive
Image credits: Sora Shimazaki (not the actual photo)
He overhead her laughing on the phone with her boss, checked her phone while she was sleeping, discovered affair
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
She confessed to kissing her boss once but lied about the full extent of the infidelity
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
He kicked his girlfriend out after talking to her boss, who revealed they were still in contact
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
He admitted he’s torn between saving the relationship and calling it quits
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He wonders if all women are like this and if there's any chance of rebuilding the trust
OP starts his story of woe by telling the community that he and his girlfriend have been together for 3 years and have lived together for most of that time. Two months back, she got a job offer that would be good for her career but would also mean that he would have to move further away from his job and family, which he ended up agreeing to.
After letting her current job know she was leaving, she accused OP of being unsupportive and cast doubt on their relationship. To show her how much she meant to him, he immediately booked a fancy hotel suite and did everything he could think of to make her feel special.
Later that week, OP heard her laughing on the phone with her boss, which he admits gave him a weird feeling. That night, OP went through her phone and came across some seriously suggestive messages.
After waking her up to confront her, she admitted to kissing her boss once, but said that was as far as it had gone. OP told her that he could get over it as long as she recommitted to the relationship and cut off all contact with her boss.
Still, OP felt he wasn’t getting the whole truth, so he reached out to the boss, who told him that they had in fact kissed three times and that the girlfriend was still in contact with him. This was all too much for OP, who kicked her out of the apartment. He then turned to Reddit with a bunch of painful questions and a confession that he’s torn between dumping her for good and trying to make it work.
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
In her article for PsychCentral, Karen Sosnoski PhD writes that cheating is common in the United States among all age groups, and the internet makes this behavior more alluring than ever.
A 2021 survey reported that just over 46% of respondents in a monogamous relationship said they had affairs. Roughly 24% of marriages affected by infidelity reported staying together. Further, 47.5% of relationships affected by cheating said they created and enforced new rules in their relationship, like sharing phone passwords, for example.
In a report published by the Statista Research Department in 2024, in 2021, around 21% of respondents in the US admitted having cheated on any partner, current or previous. With the number so high, can there be any hope for couples who have experienced infidelity?
Shirley Porter seems to think so. In her article for Choosing Therapy, Porter writes that if you choose to rebuild trust and try to get over the affair, there are a number of steps you can take to start to heal and even create a stronger bond.
The first step in getting over infidelity is deciding whether or not it’s worth going to the effort of trying to repair the relationship. Next, the cheating partner must take all necessary action to put an end to the affair.
Following that, you’ll need to work on rebuilding trust. Both partners will need to have strong motivation and commitment to working on the relationship. It’s going to take a lot of effort, so the couple should be clear that it won’t happen overnight.
Further, to make progress after infidelity, the cheating partner must show genuine remorse and accountability. Honest and complete disclosure about the affair is necessary to eliminate any more secrets which would be toxic to the relationship.
You’ll also need to work on improving communication, which might mean putting aside regular talk time with no distractions. Giving each other your undivided attention can help you agree with each other about what you want from the relationship.
What do you think of the situation OP finds himself in? Would you give his girlfriend another chance if you were him, or just call it quits? Let us know your opinion in the comments!
Redditors in the comments agreed the trust was shattered and advised the guy to ditch her and move on with his life
