Some of the things we own may not be expensive or showy, but there’s a reason we hold them so near to our hearts. Family heirlooms especially tend to be cherished and kept safely because they hold stories from the generations that have passed.
That’s exactly what this woman felt when she inherited her grandma’s possessions. The problem is that her girlfriend wanted all the heirlooms destroyed because of how controversial they are, which obviously put a big dent in their relationship.
More info: Reddit
When someone passes away, it’s normal for their loved ones to want to hold onto the things they owned as a way to reminisce
Image credits: Kateryna_Mostova / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster’s 90-year-old grandma passed away, leaving behind many valued possessions made from animal skin, fur, and tusks, including some taxidermy pieces
Image credits: Thegiansepillo / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Although the poster is fine with keeping the decades-old heirlooms, her vegetarian girlfriend, Penny, wants them gone because she is against animal cruelty
Image credits: Sarah O'Shea / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The poster realized she could earn between $5,000-$200,000 based on how many items she sells, but she doesn’t want to do it so soon after her grandma’s passing
Image credits: Tall-Guarantee6349
The couple have not been able to agree on what to do with the heirlooms, and many of the poster’s friends suspect that Penny only wants to get the money from the sale of the items
It’s clear from this situation that the OP does not want to part with her grandmother’s possessions so soon. She is all right with the idea of selling the things but wants to wait for some time since she is still grieving. Her girlfriend, Penny, on the other hand, keeps pressuring her to destroy the items or get rid of them somehow. She doesn’t seem to understand how tough it might be for the OP to do so.
There’s no blueprint for how you’re supposed to act or what you’re supposed to do when a loved one passes away. That’s why Bored Panda reached out to Jo McRogers to better understand how to handle such a complicated situation. Jo is a grief therapist who uses a variety of meditation and tools and also conducts courses to help support people through their grief.
We asked Jo what grievers should do when someone is trying to convince them to part with a deceased family member’s possessions. Jo told us that “often we overlook the emotions behind our decisions. The symbolism of keeping/releasing any given item needs to be understood and then shared with those objecting.”
“Use a respectful problem-solving approach, explore any middle ground that can honor the symbolism. Grief is experienced so differently by the grievers of even the same loss. Rushing someone's grief by asking this of them can begin a fracturing in the relationship.”
This is exactly the kind of position the OP found herself in, where she probably had to pander to her girlfriend’s feelings rather than grieve the loss of someone she loved. She even researched how much she could sell the items for and stowed the animal heads away because of her partner. On the other hand, her girlfriend did not take the time to understand her emotions.
Image credits: Drazen Zigic / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The argument over the animal heirlooms caused a big rift between the poster and her partner. The OP was worried that her relationship would end over the issue, and sought help from her friends. They told her that Penny probably cares more about earning money from the sale of the items than their sentimental value.
We asked Jo McRogers if there was a timeline for how long people should hold onto precious heirlooms. She said that “the assigned emotional value of items can change over time by the one who received it. If the item still holds a purpose or connection, then it might be helpful to keep it.”
“If the item becomes an obligation, then it might be time to release it. Giving it another chance to be valued/loved in the world is another way to honor the one who has died. It is okay to share your feelings about why you want things gone or not in your home but it needs to be a discussion, sharing, and problem-solving, not just an ask.”
“Too often, grievers feel they need to defend or rationalize their grief,” Jo shared. It’s clear that this is the type of decision that ultimately rests on the shoulders of the griever, and therefore, the OP has the final say in what should be done with the items, no matter what her girlfriend thinks.
Losing someone is extremely difficult, and there is no specific way that a person should behave and act after it happens. The poster is doing her best to cherish her grandma’s memory and treat her possessions with care. It’s truly a shame that her girlfriend does not seem to understand that.
What do you think the OP should say to her girlfriend and do in this type of situation? We’d love to hear your thoughts.
People sided with the poster and told her that her girlfriend was insensitive for insisting she get rid of the items
