One of the fundamental pillars of any solid relationship is mutual respect. If your partner does not see you as their equal and they’re ashamed of you, things probably won’t work out, unless they’re willing to do some uncomfortable introspection.
A surefire way to determine what your partner really thinks of you is to see how they treat you in front of their family, friends, and colleagues… that is if they bother to introduce them at all. Redditor u/Rose-thorn6554 turned to the AITA community for advice after her boyfriend unceremoniously hid her in the kitchen when his work friends came over to his place. Scroll down for the full story, in the OP’s own words.
When your partner won't introduce you to their family or friends, it's known as 'pocketing'
Image credits: Luiz Woellner Fotografia (not the actual photo)
One woman turned to the net for help after her partner told her to hide when his friends came over
Image credits: Rachel Claire (not the actual photo)
Image credits: George Morina (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Rose-thorn6554
The woman was confused by what happened, while her boyfriend tried to spin the situation
If your partner literally tells you to hide and doesn’t introduce you to their colleagues, then there’s something deeply wrong with the entire situation. What muddies the waters even more is the fact that, according to redditor u/Rose-thorn6554, her boyfriend had been fine introducing her to his family members and other friends.
Some redditors thought that, perhaps, he was embarrassed to have his esteemed colleagues meet his girlfriend. Or, some internet users theorized, he may even have another girlfriend at work. Which was why he was so adamant about the OP staying hidden.
However, tired of waiting, the woman left, stunning both her boyfriend and his guests in the process. Confused by the entire situation and accused of acting rudely, she turned to the AITA subreddit for some advice.
In a couple of updates, the OP shared that her boyfriend claims that “they were talking about stuff I wouldn’t understand” and that “he said I should’ve made myself busy making dinner in the kitchen.”
Of course, none of us were there that day, so we don’t know the full picture, but those sound like flimsy excuses. But to cover up what, nobody knows. Bored Panda has reached out to u/Rose-thorn6554 via Reddit to learn more about what happened next and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from her.
When someone avoids having you meet their family and friends, it’s known as ‘pocketing.’ It can be quite hurtful because it indicates that someone’s not serious about the relationship or may be embarrassed how others might change their perceptions of them when they see who they’re dating.
It's often a bad sign if your partner avoids bringing you deeper into their life
“Pocketing is a situation where a person you're dating avoids or hesitates to introduce you to their friends, family or other people they know, in-person or on social media, even though you've been going out for a while. Your relationship seems non-existent to the public eye," psychologist and life coach Ana Jovanovic told ‘Better’ by ‘Today.’
“Once the person they are dating meets the friends and family, the facade they worked hard to build will collapse and leave the other person disappointed. By not introducing the person they're dating to others, they are protecting the fragile image of themselves that attracted the person in the first place,” she explains.
“They may be ashamed of their family and friends and may feel that if their date was to meet them, they would think less of them. This is especially true in cases where there is an educational gap, or big socio-economic or cultural differences,” Jovanovic said.
"Pacing and awaiting the right time to offer an introduction is truly about bringing you and partner closer. Pocketing comes with the intention of hiding away the person you're dating. Oftentimes the pocketer does not want their partner to meet friends and family; it's a way of creating space and distance in the relationship,” licensed clinical social worker Rachel Perlstein told ‘Better.’
It’s not hard to notice that your partner may be pocketing you. One red flag is that you both meet up in out-of-the-way places, far away from where their acquaintances might pop up. Another indication that someone’s ashamed of you is that they don’t introduce you to anyone they meet or never mention their family. They also always seem in control of how and where you meet.
Marriage.com also notes that ‘pocketers’ also tend to not invite you over to their place because they don’t want you to know where they live. They also tend to avoid sharing intimate details about their past and will always find some excuse for not introducing you to the other important people in their lives.
The woman shared some more information in the comments
Here's what some other readers had to say about the relationship drama
