Literally at every step in our lives we have to make choices. Both on a small, everyday level, which have almost no effect on our future lives, and incredibly complex, primarily on the mental level, which actually greatly influence both ourselves and our loved ones.
For example, the user u/Ok-Song3414, the author of the story we'll tell you today, for many years had been making a choice between his children in favor of his son. The choice was largely forced, but nevertheless, his daughter suffered. And then, one fine day, the father decided to give preference to the daughter. What came of it? Let's read on.
More info: Reddit
The author of the post has two adult kids, a son and a daughter, and his son is, alas, an addict
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual photo)
For many years the parents had been doing their best to help their son, even neglecting the daughter's needs
Image credits: Ok-Song3414
When it came time for the daughter's graduation ceremony, her brother was in a recovery housing program
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Ok-Song3414
A few hours before the graduation started, the parents received a call from rehab that their son had relapsed
Image credits: Alena Darmel (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Ok-Song3414
The mom decided to go to be with the son, while the author preferred to stay with his daughter in this important moment for her
So, the Original Poster (OP) is 51 years old, his wife is three years younger, and they have two adult children, a 23-year-old son, “Jake,” and an 18-year-old daughter, “Jess.” And, according to the dad, his son has been experiencing serious problems with alcohol and substances for several years now. Serious to such an extent that he has already ended up in rehab more than once.
No, the author notes that he and his wife always did their best to ensure that the children received a decent upbringing - it just happened that Jake one day got involved with the wrong company, and then went down a slippery slope. Moreover, whenever the guy had issues, the parents had to literally drop everything and tend to him, thereby sacrificing time for their daughter.
But Jess, on the contrary, grew up as a very diligent and talented girl, studied well and approached her graduation ceremony with a great GPA. Her parents were very proud of her - and, of course, they were going to attend her graduation party. The brother was in a recovery housing program at that time.
And then, literally a couple of hours before the ceremony, they called from the rehab - Jake had relapsed and was very ill. Of course, the mom immediately got ready to go to her son, and when the husband asked what to do about the daughter’s graduation party, she said that this was way more important. But the OP reasonably objected that he couldn't keep acting this way, and that their daughter’s graduation is a milestone that is incredibly important for her.
In other words, the spouses went in different directions. The wife went to rehab to see her son, the husband drove to his daughter's school. Of course, she was incredibly happy to see her dad, but very disappointed by the mom's absence. And, certainly, she was upset when she learned about her brother’s health problems. However, soon the author’s wife called - yes, Jake felt bad, but his life wasn't in danger.
And in the evening the couple had another argument about which of them did the right thing. The wife said that the OP was wrong and selfish in not being there with his son, and the author replied that their daughter is no less important, and that in fact, only one person was selfish here - the wife herself. In the end, as the author admits, that night he had to sleep on the couch in the living room, but he's still sure that he did what was right.
Image credits: Safari Consoler (not the actual photo)
“Making these kinds of choices is always incredibly difficult for any parent - and yes, I believe that this man’s daughter felt upset more than once because her parents repeatedly neglected important events in her life because they constantly had to cope with her brother's problems," says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment here. “Moreover, the graduation is actually a once-in-a-lifetime event.”
“In any case, if the problem with his son’s health was not critical, then this man acted quite reasonably - so that at least one of the parents was next to their daughter at this important moment for her. By the way, based on my experience I can say that there were cases when some manifestations of favoritism from parents to one of the kids became a trigger for various problems in this exact kid. I do hope, however, that sooner or later all the problems of this family will be left behind,” Irina ponders.
Commenters on the original post also supported our hero in his decision - even if it wasn't easy. "No one was supposed to go running just because he relapsed. He also knew it was his sibling's graduation," one of the responders wrote. "Relapsing doesn’t require even a visit when he’s already in a program. You say ok, thanks for letting us know, and go about your life. What was the purpose of dropping everything and running there?"
In addition, some people in the comments sincerely disbelieve that the relapse on sister's graduation day could've happened completely by chance. "I'm wondering if there is a correlation between your son's relapses and emergencies and your daughter's special events," one of the commenters supposed. "My sister used to have episodes before every single event that celebrates me. In her mind, my successes exposed her failures," another person reminisced. "I absolutely blamed my mom for enabling this."
Well, the relationship between siblings can be either completely cloudless or incredibly strained, and in fact, parents are not always able to do something here. If you also have examples of similar stories in your memory, please feel free to share them in the comments below this post. And, of course, please tell us what you think about this tale as well.
People in the comments, meanwhile, sided with the dad, claiming that he did the right thing here
