When you find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, you might not take their family into consideration too much. Sure, you’ll have to see them on holidays, and it’s great if you all actually become close. But on the average day, you’ll only have to interact with your spouse whom you love.
One woman, however, recently found herself on a family trip with her pretentious in-laws who did anything but make her feel welcome. Below, you’ll find the full story of why she decided to head home early and the drama that ensued after, as well as some of the replies invested readers left her.
This woman recently went on a family trip with her husband and in-laws
Image credits: Gerrie van der Walt (not the actual photo)
But after being excluded from a fancy dinner, she decided it was time to pack her bags
Image credits: Igor Rand (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Oleksandr Canary Islands (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Daria Nepriakhina 🇺🇦 (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
Later, the woman clarified a few additional details
Image credits: AirSignificant4781
It's incredibly common for couples to have issues with their in-laws
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)
In a perfect world, we would all love our in-laws as much as we love our own parents. They would welcome us into their families with open arms, and love us like their own children. But as cliché as it may sound, unfortunately, conflicts with in-laws are a common issue that married couples struggle with. In fact, the BBC reports that a whopping 75% of couples have problems with an in-law, typically involving the daughter-in-law. And only 15% of mother-in-law/son-in-law relationships were described as tense. One possible explanation for so many problems arising between daughter-in-laws and their spouse’s parents is the issue of child-rearing and how disproportionately that tends to affect women.
But there are plenty of reasons why conflicts might arise between in-laws. When it comes to mother-in-laws in particular, they may feel territorial over their own family members and feel that they have a “higher social status and decision-making authority” over their daughter-in-laws. “It’s a precarious environment because the new wife is separated from their family of origin and those who may be more protective of her,” Gretchen Perry, professor at the University of Canterbury, New Zealand, and co-author of the paper In-Law Relationships in Evolutionary Perspective: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, told the BBC. “Depending on the nature of that circumstance, it can be a difficult, controlling environment, with a lot of conflict.”
More often than not, these conflicts involve the mother and daughter-in-law
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)
While there are a variety of factors that might cause issues between mother and daughter-in-laws, there are a few common causes that might be at play. According to a piece Madeleine A. Fugère, PhD, wrote for Psychology Today, mother-in-laws have a hard time seeing their children be with someone who they would not have chosen for them or someone who is too attractive. Some moms might even subconsciously discourage long-term relationships for their sons, and they might feel they’re in competition for resources and attention. But it’s often not anything the daughter-in-law actually did, as we’re wired to prefer and be more protective of our relatives than non-family members.
According to a study published in the Evolutionary Psychological Science Journal, there is a “genetic conflict” that makes us “unconsciously act in the interest of our genetic kin,” even if that goes against our individual best interest. “This genetic conflict may cause affines (in-laws) to disagree about the distribution of resources and investment, just as we see mothers and fathers disagreeing in these domains,” the authors of the study wrote. “Our results are consistent with the hypothesis that genetic conflict may underlie negative social interactions that occur in affinal (in-law) relationships.” In-laws also don’t often choose to have relationships with one another, they’re simply subjected to it, which might make them harbor some animosity.
It can be hurtful when a spouse feels like their in-laws are constantly being chosen over them
Image credits: Austin Guevara (not the actual photo)
Having conflicts with your in-laws does not have to be the end of the world, though. As long as your partner supports you and ensures that you feel loved, your relationship can still flourish. In situations like this story on Reddit, however, spouses don’t always choose their partner over their family. Some of the reasons a son, in particular, might do this are because he feels guilty for spending less time with his family, he wants to keep the peace, he has an unhealthy attachment with a parent, or he wants to live at home with them. According to Sam Parker, LCSW, it may be understandable for this to happen at times, as it can be difficult to balance relationships with family and a spouse, but it’s important for couples to communicate and stay on the same team.
“Ask him how he feels about the situation and why he's been partaking in the behavior you're concerned about. You may reassure him by letting him know you don't want to break up his connection with his family or make him choose sides but are respectfully requesting that a healthy change occur,” Parker explains. “Building your relationship daily may help create a foundation you can both trust when in-laws and other relatives come between you.”
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this woman was right to pack her bags after she was excluded from the dinner? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article discussing conflicts between in-laws, we recommend checking out this one next!
Readers were appalled by the family's behavior, and many assured the woman that she was right to leave
