30 Habits And Behaviors That Are Signs Of Good Upbringing

Discussing the importance of parents teaching their child good manners, Dr. Ronald Stolberg emphasized that it’s extremely important to do that, but not for the reason you might think.

“Children who know what the expectations are for their behavior display less anxiety, are more confident, and can act naturally because they know what the expectations are for their behavior,” he explained. “Less anxiety and more confidence is something we all want for our kids.”

“Parents need to teach by example,” the expert continued. “Lots of research going back to Albert Bandura proves that our children are active observers and that they learn a lot more by watching and observing than they do through a lecture.

“The best outcome is when parents model the expected behavior, and when they observe concerning deviations, they have a calm conversation with their child and reinforce the desired manners. Then, the best way to get the desired behavior to become permanent is to reward the desired manners. Rewards can be praise, acknowledgement, or even a fun dessert or treat. Model behavior you want to see, then when you observe it happening organically, reward it,” Prof. Stolberg advised.

“The best way to help your child develop good manners is for them to know explicitly what is expected of them,” Dr. Stolberg emphasized. “Not every family will think the same behaviors are important, so parents need to be clear what is expected in their family. I like to call these 'family rules'. Not every family will have the same rules, but a child that knows exactly what is expected in terms of their behavior is more likely to display the desired manners and behavior.”

In an interview with Bored Panda, the expert noted that, when it comes to raising children, it’s difficult to determine what’s ‘right’. “Remember that there are significant cultural differences when it comes to things like making eye contact, shaking hands, speaking without being spoken to, and so on,” he said.

“Therefore, I think a child that is kind, considerate, and positive when talking about others was probably raised 'right' regardless of some of the other markers that we might associate with good manners, like making eye contact when speaking to you.”

According to Dr. Stolberg, parents should do the best that they can to be good role models for the behavior they are looking for from their children. “It is also important to remember that nobody is perfect all the time. If parents can model that they sometimes struggle with their own manners it will help them be better teachers and be more patient while their children learn what is expected of them.

“Clear expectations, good modeling, reinforcing the desired behavior, and patience are required to teach kids good manners,” the expert summed up.