It's probably one of the most shocking things to learn that the parents who raised you are not your biological parents. Well, there are stories when people find out they are adopted as, at some point in most cases, parents tell their kids when the time comes. However, a slightly different situation is when parents hide it from kids for many years that their mom is actually not their biological mom and they find this out by themselves.
So about that, one Reddit user shared her story online after she bought a DNA test for her granddaughter. The teen looked different from her siblings and started wondering why, but was prohibited by her parents from doing an ancestry test. Well, that’s when her grandma came to her rescue, and let me tell you - this didn’t turn out too well for the whole family.
More info: Reddit
Hiding the truth about a kid’s biological parents may bring them more pain than telling the truth
Image credits: Ivan Lapyrin (not the actual photo)
This grandma shared how her granddaughter looks different from her siblings
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
The main problem arose when the granddaughter told her that her parents had banned her from getting an ancestry test
Image credits: CDC (not the actual photo)
However, when the parents were confronted about suspicious details around the teen’s birth, they denied everything
Image credits: u/False-Wordliness664thi
The granddaughter asked her grandma to buy her a DNA test and, as it turned out, she’s not her mom’s biological child
Recently, a Reddit user shared her story online asking folks if she was indeed being a jerk for giving her granddaughter a DNA test after she was confused as to why she looks different from her other siblings, but the parents denied everything and banned her from taking the ancestry test. The post caught a lot of attention and in just 3 days collected more than 16.2K upvotes.
So the author starts by saying that her granddaughter is 15 years old and looks different from her siblings, as she has blond curly hair while the whole family has dark hair. But the main issue appeared when she was prohibited by her parents from getting an ancestry test. Well, the grandmother had the teen's back and told the parents that if there’s something about their daughter’s birth that they are not telling her - they need to.
After the granddaughter had a little talk with her biology teacher, who also said it’s odd for her to have some traits, the teen asked for help from the OP. So grandma bought her a DNA test and, as it turned out - she is not her mom’s biological kid. Now the whole family is tense as OP is getting heat for getting her a DNA test and the teen is mad at her parents for being lied to her whole life.
Community members backed the OP and gave her the ‘Not the A-hole’ badge. “They are beyond AH for not telling her. I was 6 when I first asked why I looked so different from my parents, they began explaining then. I was adopted,” one user shared. “People have a right to know their genetic heritage. Lying about adoption is linked to increased suicidal ideation, anxiety, & depression,” another added.
Image credits: Jill Burrow (not the actual photo)
For more insights regarding this topic, Bored Panda got in touch with Alexis Hourselt, host of DNA Surprises and cofounder of DNA Surprise Retreat.
She kindly agreed to share coping mechanisms that are the most effective when dealing with the emotional aftermath of DNA surprises, how discovering unexpected results can influence personal identity, and what factors contribute to the rise in people discovering unexpected familial connections through DNA tests.
To begin with, Alexis shares that the first recommendation is to find a trusted therapist. And while there aren’t many therapists who specialize in DNA surprises, people can find grief and trauma therapists to help. Another thing is Facebook groups for online support. “Search for terms like ‘NPE,’ which is the term for people who have had a non-paternal event or ‘not parent expected’ or ‘dna surprise.’”
Podcasts like Alexis’ that share stories of people who have been through the same thing can be incredibly validating too. And lastly - in person and virtual support groups. ”This year, I co founded the DNA Surprise Retreat for people in our community. Real-time connection is a powerful healing tool. At the retreat, people learn skills that will help them navigate a DNA surprise while spending time with people who understand them. “
Speaking about finding out unexpected parentage and its influence, she shares that it completely uproots one’s identity. “Everything you thought you knew about your family history, your medical history, and sometimes your ethnic identity is wrong. Many people that I speak to experience a phenomenon of not being able to look in the mirror for days or weeks after the DNA surprise. There’s an immense disconnect between what you feel and what you see,” Alexis added.
And lastly, the podcast host emphasizes that family secrets about parentage have always existed, it’s just that now, with testing, we are able to uncover them. The kits are more affordable, which makes them more accessible. And as test kit sales continue to rise, we will absolutely see more and more DNA surprises.
So guys, what do you think about this story? Was the grandma wrong in this situation or does every person have the right to know about their parentage? Share your comments below!
Additionally, if you find yourself in a similar situation and are struggling - Alexis shares that the next retreat for people that help navigate a DNA surprise is September 19-22nd, 2024 in Phoenix, Arizona. You can find more information here!
Redditors backed the author and her granddaughter in this situation
