What you won’t do for friends, you sometimes have to do for family. After all, blood is thicker than water, and families are expected to be there for each other for life. But what if a family member keeps trying to exploit that relationship to their own benefit?
For one woman, she had to put her parent in her place after she tried to get her husband to take over the babysitting duties she had previously agreed to. Now the grandmother is angry that her daughter’s pushing back on her plan and can’t see what the big deal is. The woman turned to Reddit to ask if she’s the jerk in the situation.
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It’s true that family should always be there for each other, but this woman had to put a limit to it after her mother kept acting entitled
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The grandmother had agreed to babysit teens after their town lost power, then tried to hand them off to her son-in-law
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Her son-in-law wasn’t comfortable juggling a job, pets, and 3 kids for 3 days all alone and said so
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Her daughter pushed back on her plan, but mom got angry and asked why it was such a big deal
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Her daughter told her that her husband isn’t a free babysitter, and she’s not entitled to ask him to do it, then went online to ask if she was being the jerk for telling her mom no
OP begins her story by telling the community that her sister, sister’s husband, and their two teen kids live about 4 hours away from them. She adds that, due to a hurricane, her sister’s town lost power, so her sister asked their mother if she could take care of the teens at her house, which the grandmother agreed to.
She goes on to say that they’re supposed to be going to her cousin’s out-of-state wedding in the coming week, but that her husband and 5-year-old son are staying at home since flights are expensive, her husband doesn’t know the cousin that well, and it’s a child-free wedding.
She says her sister was planning on taking the teens to the rehearsal dinner but that, for the wedding night, they’d be staying with another relative in the same city. Now OP’s mom has called her and asked if her husband could babysit the teens instead.
OP says her husband is hesitant to take care of 3 kids (plus pets) for 3 days all by himself, especially since he has work too. OP has pushed back on her mother’s plan and asked her if her sister knew she was calling her, angering her mother, who asked why it was such a big deal.
OP has since spoken to her sister, who didn’t in fact know about her mother’s plan, and her sister has agreed to change the teens’ flights so they can come back from OP’s city, since they really want to go to the wedding.
In an update to her original post, OP says her mother blew up her phone and left a rude voicemail about not understanding why OP was so mad about her change in plans.
OP called her back the next day to tell her she could either stay at home to help her husband (since she doesn’t even want to go to the wedding anymore) or they can change their flights to go with OP. She says her sister can’t make the wedding any more anyway but is willing to change the flights.
She adds that the thought of spending 3 days alone with her mom in a hotel room sounds more stressful than looking after the 3 kids at home, and that both she and her sister agree that their mom needs therapy.
She’s since turned to Reddit to ask if she’s being a jerk for telling her mom her husband isn’t a free babysitter.
Image credits: prostooleh / Freepik (not the actual photo)
From what OP tells us in her post, it certainly seems like her mom is all too entitled, especially when it comes to telling her husband what to do.
In her article for Choosing Therapy, Brooke Schwartz writes that an overbearing mother-in-law is someone who craves dominance and control. She often makes every situation about herself—she’ll make sure you know exactly what she wants and how she wants it done. Meeting her expectations is challenging as she may believe that no one can do things correctly except her.
Schwartz shares 7 signs of an overbearing mother-in-law. Some include her always being around, never respecting your boundaries, being judgmental, always insisting that she’s right, pressuring you to do what she wants, and needing to be the center of attention.
Interacting with someone like this can be exhausting, stressful, and irritating. Her presence could contribute to relationship issues with your spouse or children and may even result in a decreased sense of self-worth.
So how do you deal with a mother-in-law who won’t take no for an answer?
In her article for Psychology Today, Yvonne K. Fulbright suggests several strategies for coping with a bossy mother-in-law and taking back your sanity.
Fulbright recommends giving yourself a time-out to evaluate the situation and develop a game plan that’s right for you. Getting all your feelings out on paper first will enable you to constructively take on the situation and come from a more rational place when you do decide to speak up.
Next, consider where your mother-in-law is coming from. While it may be difficult to do, try to be objective while you evaluate the situation. Honestly ask yourself if she has a valid opinion. Consider if her actions and words are coming from a place of love, and if this needs to be acknowledged.
Another tip Fulbright puts forward is to be OK with not having your mother-in-law’s approval for anything - not caring what they think about you can be empowering. Finally, avoid stooping to her level; interact using mindfulness and take the higher road without compromising on how you will allow yourself to be treated.
It seems both OP and her husband have some work to do when it comes to managing her mother’s endless demands or risk setting a dangerous precedent.
What do you think of the mother-in-law’s entitled behavior? Do you think OP should ditch the wedding and her mom at the same time? Let us know your opinion in the comments!
In the comments, Redditors agreed that the woman would only be a jerk if she let her mother keep manipulating her husband and told her it’s time to put down some boundaries
