The reality of our lives is that, as we age, many of us become encrusted with our own prejudices, whims, and quirks, like barnacles and seaweed on a ship's bottom, and this hinders our progress, not only for ourselves but also for those around us. Some relatives are willing to put up with this just to avoid unnecessary family drama.
Well, the user u/MirthPocketDoor, the narrator of our story today, believed that the main reason his grandmother didn't want his stepson in her home was her fear of the germs children might bring home from school. However, reality turned out to be much uglier for him...
More info: Reddit
Elderly people may have their own biases and quirks with age, but this is definitely not a reason to put up with them
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author of the post is married to a woman who has an 8-year-old son from a previous marriage, and they get along well
Image credits: New Africa / Freepik (not the actual photo)
What is a problem for the man is that his grandma, in her late 60s, just doesn't want to see his stepson at her place
Image credits: EyeEm / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The elderly lady says it's because kids of this age spread germs and illnesses, so she's afraid of getting sick
Image credits: MirthPocketDoor
However, recently, the man found out that the main reason his grandma didn't want the boy there was that she never considered this stepson her true family
The original poster (OP) says he's been married to his wife for over five years, and she has an 8-year-old son from a previous marriage. Our hero does his best to be a decent stepdad, and he and the boy get along really well. So, the only thing that has always upset the author is his grandma's strange reaction.
This lady, in her late 60s, always tried to prevent the OP's stepkid from visiting her home, claiming she was afraid of the "germs" kids supposedly inevitably bring home from school. Since the pandemic, the elderly lady has always carried a portable sanitizer, so the original poster believed it was simply her overly cautious nature.
What puzzled our hero was that the other kids in the family always went to his grandma's house, and she had absolutely no problem with them. Even if they had runny noses. Then one day, his aunt just told him in a phone conversation that his grandmother didn't really consider his stepson "real family," so she just didn't want him there.
Our hero immediately called the grandma, but she got defensive, claiming that her words had been twisted. But she still said the boy could come visit her later, "when he's older and understands how to behave." Now the OP and his wife are considering simply cutting her off, and the only thing holding the author back is the reluctance to stir up a major family scandal, as the grandma would definitely start playing the victim.
Image credits: The Yuri Arcurs Collection / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Let's start with the fact that the OP's grandmother was right about only one thing. Younger children in preschool and elementary school do have the highest rates of both infections and illness on average.
A recent study showed that children of the author's stepson's age are indeed more likely to get sick and spread respiratory illnesses. But this, as we understand, was merely an excuse for the grandma to avoid revealing her prejudice.
In fact, there's indeed a problem in the relationship between step-grandparents and step-grandkids. But, paradoxically, some researchers note that the warmth in the relationship between them usually declines as the stepkids grow up. Here, on the contrary, the grandmother perceived the child with hidden hostility literally from the very first moment.
Experts do note the role of grandparents in the emotional acceptance of children in a blended family environment. This dedicated article on the Kinship Books blog, for example, advises elderly people to make no distinction whatsoever between their grandkids and step-grandkids. Not in terms of gifts, conversations, or visits.
People in the comments were surprised that the author hadn't yet cut his grandma off. According to responders, the man has his own family - his wife and stepson - and the opinions of toxic elderly relatives shouldn't concern him, even if it does cause a huge extended family drama. So what do you, our dear readers, think about this situation? Please feel free to drop your comments below.
Most commenters urged the man to just cut all ties with his toxic grandmother, and not to be upset if this causes family drama
