Your parents should be the two people that you can trust most in the world. Regardless of how closely your opinions align politically or how they feel about the career path you’ve chosen, they signed up to be your biggest supporters on the day you were born.
That’s part of the reason why finding out that your parents aren’t actually your biological parents can send you into a tailspin. One woman who experienced this was understandably shocked by the news, so she reached out to the internet for advice. Below, you’ll find the full story she shared on Reddit, as well as some of the replies invested readers left her.
This woman never questioned her relationship with her parents while growing up
Image credits: Prostock-studio/Envato (not the actual photo)
But her life turned upside down when her grandmother revealed that they were not her biological parents
Image credits: tommyandone/Envato (not the actual photo)
Readers were appalled by the grandmother's behavior, and many assured the author that her mother and father are still her parents
Then, the author shared an update on her situation
Image credits: magesourcecurated/Envato (not the actual photo)
Experts recommend being transparent with adopted children from birth
According to the Adoption Network, it’s estimated that between 2 and 4% of Americans have an adopted child, and around 5 million Americans were adopted.
However, in the vast majority of these cases, 95% to be exact, the adoption is open. This means that there is some degree of connection between the adoptive families and the children’s birth family.
Open adoption can be beneficial to both sides, as it allows birth parents to worry less about the safety of their children, and it allows adopted children the opportunity to understand their background completely.
Along with having access to their family’s medical history, adopted kids can also find answers about why exactly their parents weren’t suited to take care of them. Having this clarity can give everyone involved some much-needed peace of mind.
Image credits: Julia M Cameron/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Now, it’s not always easy to tell a child that they were adopted. Parents may have fears about their children feeling unwanted or out of place in the family. It might also be difficult for parents who don’t have all of the answers about their child’s birth parents.
But American Adoptions recommends being transparent about your child’s adoption from day one. “There should be no moment when your child ‘learns’ they are adopted; you should tell your child they are adopted from before they can remember, and adoption should just be a natural part of their personal story,” they explain.
Finding out the truth as an adult can trigger an identity crisis
Of course, there may be some details of the story that you can leave out until the child is old enough to understand them. For example, if their birth parents struggled with substance use issues or got pregnant in an unsafe situation, a small child doesn’t need to know that. They shouldn’t have nightmares after hearing their parents’ story.
Finding out the truth as an adult can be much more painful, though. With the popularity of DNA testing in recent years, more and more people have been finding out shocking and uncomfortable truths about their family history. But just because it’s becoming more common doesn’t mean that it’s any easier to handle.
Zar Wellness Counseling notes on their site that discovering that your parents are not your biological parents can bring about complicated emotions. Someone might feel angry, confused, betrayed, or perhaps even relieved. And it’s common for someone in this situation to experience an identity crisis.
Image credits: Polina Zimmerman/Pexels (not the actual photo)
After finding out earth-shattering news like this, a person may need to explore and restructure their identity. It will also probably take time to process these complex emotions. This might require time in therapy and working with a professional to make sense of it all.
Meanwhile, rebuilding trust and resilience will likely become necessary as well. No matter how much you love your parents, it can be hard to accept the fact that they have kept such a huge secret from you your entire life.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. How would you have responded if you were in the author’s shoes? Then, if you’re interested in reading another article from Bored Panda featuring similar family drama, look no further than right here.
Again, readers called out the grandmother and shared messages of support for the author
