Perhaps the hardest and most unpleasant thing about most family quarrels is that it is quite difficult to remain neutral in them without taking the side of one of the parties to the conflict. When both parties know you well and are close relatives, there will always be a situation in which they'll want to enlist your approval of their words and actions. Even if one of them is wrong - just to justify their behavior in their own eyes.
We know hundreds and thousands of stories when one spouse came into conflict with their partner's relatives, and as a result, the second of the couple had to make a difficult choice. Although most often the point is simply that the representatives of the older generation impose their own points of view or try to influence what, frankly, should not concern them at all. Yes, and they sometimes do it in the most offensive way.
For example, as it happened in this situation, first described by user u/YogurtclosetLow2153 on the AITA Reddit community. This was almost a year ago, and as of today, the original post has over 21.3K upvotes and about 2.1K miscellaneous comments. A good reason to get to know this story in detail.
More info: Reddit
The author's wife recently delivered a baby but the childbirth turned out to be a really traumatic experience
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)
So, the author of the post recently became a father, and we must say that the birth was very difficult for his wife. At the 31st week of pregnancy, his wife unexpectedly went into premature labor, although no one expected this - neither the future parents nor doctors. As the original poster admits, the situation was very difficult for both mother and child - the woman became preeclamptic among other serious complications and for the first week, nobody was even sure if either she or their daughter would make it.
Image credits: YogurtclosetLow2153
The new mom and the baby survived, though the girl spent the first weeks of her life in an incubator
Fortunately, the author of the post continues, both mother and child survived, although the girl had to spend the first weeks of her life in an incubator, and his wife felt so weak that she wasn't even able to hold the baby. Of course, this came as a huge shock to the OP's wife, because she actually felt like her own body had betrayed her.
Image credits: YogurtclosetLow2153
The woman felt like her own body had betrayed her, as she had a very active lifestyle before the pregnancy
The OP says that before pregnancy, his wife was a very healthy and cheerful person with an active lifestyle, but now she will have to practically start everything from scratch, and it is far from certain that her health situation will return to normal. In any case, as the husband admits, a significant amount of work will be required, both on the part of doctors and mental health professionals. And, of course, the man is fully aware of how much his wife needs support in such a difficult life period - both from him and from other relatives.
Image credits: YogurtclosetLow2153
Unfortunately, it turned out that not all relatives understood this pretty obvious thing. After some time, the husband's parents came to the hospital to see the new mother and child. The author says that, unlike his wife's family, his relatives live 3 states away and, of course, do not visit so often. In any case, when the OP's parents and his grandmother arrived, he immediately warned them that both his wife and daughter were still at very fragile stages and urged them to be patient.
Image credits: Tom Fisk (not the actual photo)
When the husband's grandma came to visit the new mom, she suddenly told her that "the worst is yet to come"
But as is often the case, the older generation knows everything better. The OP's grandmother, as soon as she entered the room, started talking about childbirth and the new mom's experience. Not paying attention to the impression her words made on the woman in labor, the old lady, in response to the mom's words that it was one of the worst experiences in her entire life, hastened to "reassure" her that "all the worst is actually still just ahead." And what's more, according to the OP's grandmother, "struggling is what being a mother is about."
Image credits: YogurtclosetLow2153
Of course, the author's wife wasn't happy at all with these words, so she started screaming at the old lady, demanding that she get out. The husband, also appalled by his grandma's words, hurried to escort the relatives out of the room in order to avoid further development of the conflict. When everyone left, the man said that it would be better for the relatives to leave now, so as not to aggravate the already unpleasant situation for his wife.
Image credits: YogurtclosetLow2153
The woman yelled at the old lady and ordered her out, but the relatives told the man that he wasn't supportive towards his grandma
And now the real icing on the cake! What do you think was OP's parents' reaction to this case? Do you think they supported the new mom, who had recently experienced some of the most difficult moments in her life? Of course not - the man was accused of not being supportive enough towards his grandmother and allowing his wife to yell at her, which, according to the author's relatives, was completely rude and inappropriate, even in such a situation. Under pressure from relatives, the man himself even wondered - should he apologize to his grandmother on behalf of his wife?
Image credits: YogurtclosetLow2153
Such an experience is extremely traumatic and the new mom needs maximum support and tolerance, mothers are absolutely sure
“I perfectly understand and share the feelings of this mother,” says Victoria Tarasenko, marketing manager and a mother of 3 who faced similar problems giving birth to her twin daughters 9 years ago, as Bored Panda asked her to comment on this story. "When you felt great until relatively recently, and now you not only feel helpless, fear for your life and the life of your child - you need maximum understanding and support from others. And your relatives, first of all."
“So the fact that the grandmother of this woman’s husband was so heartless in a similar situation, in my opinion, just highly upset the new mom. Yes, that lady also gave birth to at least one child, but the perception of motherhood and childbirth has changed a lot since since then, and transferring that outdated mentality to the present is completely wrong. I sincerely hope that this mom and her little daughter are doing well now - and yes, if I were in her place, I would have done about the same, "says Victoria.
Image credits: pxhere (not the actual photo)
People in the comments were unanimous in their opinion that it's the grandmother who's owed an apology
Some commenters even said that the original poster probably shouldn't have brought any visitors to his wife after such a traumatic experience, but the man said it was the new mom herself who asked him to call his parents and grandma - after all, she was always on great terms with them, and wanted to get back in touch with people as soon as possible. Moreover, as the OP tells, his wife had never had any conflicts with his relatives at all before.
As for the apologies, here the people in the comments are completely unanimous in their opinion - if anyone should apologize, it's the OP's grandmother - for completely inappropriate words about the new mom in this position. In any case, most people praise the man for supporting his wife, but warn him against making any apologies. Especially considering that he previously specifically warned his relatives against any careless remarks.
If you have something to say about this particular situation, then please express your opinion in the comments. And if you, unfortunately, are also familiar with any similar cases, then your own story will probably be useful, so please expose it below as well.
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