You might remember the classic '90s blockbuster, Home Alone. 8-year-old Kevin (played by Macaulay Culkin) is left behind when his family rushes off to a vacation abroad and boards the plane without him. The child is left to fend - and literally fight - for himself when two thieves decide to break into the house.
While the movie was filled with a laugh a minute, it's important to remember, it was just that. A fictional film. Made-up stuff produced purely for entertainment purposes. There is nothing funny about leaving a young child alone at home for days on end, ya filthy animal!
So when one woman heard that her parents had left her 4-year-old unattended in their house because they didn’t want to wait for him to put his shoes on, she completely lost it. But the grandparents still don't see any issue with their actions. The mom is now considering calling the police but isn’t sure if she should. Bored Panda spoke to renowned clinical psychologist and best-selling author Dr. Sheryl Ziegler for her expert take on the matter.
Looking after a child, for any length of time, is a big responsibility and one that shouldn't be taken lightly
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One woman thought her 4-year-old child was safe with his grandparents, until she found out they'd left him home alone
Image credits: Drazen Zigic / Freepik (not the actual photo)
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Image credits: Juan Pablo Serrano / Pexels (not the actual photo)
"She should not have left her child with them in the first place": a child psychologist's opinion
It’s safe to say that many 4-year-olds wouldn’t be able to cope solo in the event of an emergency. Life is not a Home Alone movie, and a young child generally doesn’t have the ability to defend themselves against a criminal, to handle falling down the stairs, getting burned on the stove, or getting lost after running out of the (unlocked) front door to look for their caregivers.
Those are just a few of many things that could go wrong. Not to mention the fact that some young children are terrified of being without their parents or other familiar people. Many experts agree that children under the age of 8 shouldn’t be left alone, even for short periods of time. Under age 8 is not recognized as safe, says clinical psychologist and best-selling author Dr. Sheryl Ziegler.
Ziegler is an expert when it comes to child psychology and parenting. Her new book The Crucial Years is being released soon. It's an "Essential Guide To Mental Health And Modern Puberty In Middle Childhood (Ages 6-12)". She's also the podcast host of Dr. Sheryl's PodCouch, so we were thrilled when she agreed to chat to Bored Panda about the mom's predicament.
Ziegler warns that a 4-year-old is definitely not equipped to be left alone. "They are not emotionally, cognitively or even physically ready or mature enough to deal with all of the things that could happen," she told us. In her opinion, the mom could have avoided this entire situation.
"[She] states that they are toxic parents who she wants to cut off ties with - she should not have left her child with them in the first place," said the expert. "They clearly had no control over this 4-year-old or regard for his safety and well being and should likely only have supervised, monitored, family visitation."
Ziegler has this advice for the mother, "If they are toxic and dysfunctional to you, that is enough for you to need to protect your child from them. This is an unhealthy dynamic that could emotionally and physically harm your child."
She adds that if the mom and grandparents want to work on repairing their relationship they should consider professional support and intervention.
We asked Ziegler how else the grandparents could have dealt with the child not wanting to put on his shoes. "First try to understand why the resistance, maybe pack a snack, give them something to control, make sure they have a transitional object like a blanket, make it fun like a race to see who can get in the car first, count them down and then have a logical/natural consequence, stay calm and if you really need to go pick them up safely and put them in the car with no shoes on - just bring the shoes!"
The American Academy of Pediatrics also recommends that parents wait until their child is at least 12 years old before taking a chance at leaving them alone at home. But the right age will vary from family to family, depending on the maturity of the child, where you live, whether you have a support network close to home, and how far away you will be.
While being alone at home can be an opportunity for children and youth to develop their confidence, independence, and sense of responsibility, it can only work if the child has the necessary skills and maturity to handle staying home alone safely.
Some states and countries even have laws dealing with what age a child can be left unattended. Minimum ages range from 8 to 14 years old. You can be charged with child neglect for breaking these laws. And you’ll be hit with further charges should something happen to your child while you’re not there.
“Many States' child protection laws classify ‘failing to provide adequate supervision of a child’ as child neglect,” reads this U.S. Government Child Welfare Fact Sheet. It goes on to explain that in some states, “leaving a child without supervision at an inappropriate age or in inappropriate circumstances may be considered neglect after considering factors that may put the child at risk of harm.”
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People have gone to jail for leaving children home alone
In January, a woman was jailed for 10 years after her four sons died in a house fire while she was out shopping. Deveca Rose’s two sets of twins, aged 3 and 4, were unable to escape the locked house when the fire ripped through it in 2021. Their bodies were found under a bed.
The 30-year-old mom was found guilty of four counts of manslaughter in a British court. Besides spending the next decade behind bars, she will have to live the rest of her life knowing her children might still be alive had she not left them alone.
Just this week, a 2-year-old girl was found dead under a dresser in Indiana, U.S.A. Her 33-year-old mother is behind bars awaiting trial. It is alleged Chantell Gardner would leave her two young children alone at home for hours on end, coming home briefly once a day to feed them. She is facing a charge of child neglect causing death.
While these are extreme and very sad cases, they illustrate just how wrong things can go when adults don’t take their roles as caregivers seriously.
Shocked netizens shared their thoughts, with many advising the mom never to leave her son with his grandparents again
Some parents shared similar scary stories of how their children had been left alone
