77 Savage Comebacks That Ended The Argument Immediately

Why do we feel such a need to come up with a clever comeback after we're insulted? Perhaps it's because of how we, or rather, our bodies, react to insults. When a person says something mean to us, our bodies go into fight-or-flight mode. Essentially, we can't come up with a witty reply because our brains just go blank.

As Brooklyn-based therapist Kerry McBroome explains it, our bodies take verbal insults as threats. "When someone says something offensive or harmful that hurts us or hurts a member of a community that's really important to us, our nervous system can get activated," she explained to TIME magazine.

The reality is that insults really hurt, and not just metaphorically. Apparently, insults can cause us actual physical pain, not just hurt our self-esteem. In 2022, researchers from the Netherlands concluded that hearing phrases like "You are a liar" has a similar effect to a slap in the face.

That's why having a ready comeback at all times makes us feel safer. "There's something really life-affirming about having something to say ready to go in your back pocket," McBroome added." Pulling off a sharp response can boost your confidence and be such a source of pride."

That familiar feeling of missing the beat when you need a witty comeback the most, even has its own name. L'esprit de l'escalier, or staircase wit, is used to describe the phenomenon of when a comeback comes to us too late. The term comes from the Parisian salons of the past, where gentlemen liked to debate each other. Alas, their best arguments would always come to them after the fact – as they were climbing the staircase.

As Maggie Rowe writes for Psychology Today, this does not make us flawed; it just makes us human. In fact, if you haven't got a selection of scorching-hot comebacks at the ready, you're probably going to blank again and again in situations where you get insulted.

The only advice I ever got from my parents about bullying and comebacks was to turn the other cheek. "The bully is always the one who is hurting more, at the end of the day," they would say. While it was very compassionate and admirable advice, perhaps it wasn't always that helpful. In fact, experts say that sometimes the best reaction to an insult is a calmly set boundary.

When someone insults us, our monkey brains immediately go for revenge: we want to "get" and hurt the person like they just did to us. But Oxford-based psychiatrist Neel Burton, M.D., says that there's not much benefit from a comeback. "The witty put-down does have a place, but only among friends, and only to add to the merriment. And it ought to be followed by a token of reconciliation such as a toast or a pat on the shoulder."

So, what's the most effective way to react to an insult? According to Burton, it's rebuking the insulter. "When it comes to people with whom we have an ongoing personal or professional relationship, [...] it may be preferable to 'have a quiet word' (quiet, but firm) in a bid to reassert our boundaries." So, however fun and satisfying comebacks may be, sometimes it's best to just do the grown-up thing.