Everybody has a right to make rules in their home and nobody can do anything against it. My house - my rules, that's a very frequently heard phrase. Well, probably that phrase is most often said by parents when they don’t want to argue with their kids, so they just play the card that "As long as you are under my roof - the rules are mine." And the worst thing is that it’s probably right and you can’t really do anything, just be mad at them if you want to.
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More info: Reddit
There is no reason to be mad when an adult doesn’t let an underage person drink alcohol in their home
Image credits: Dương Nhân (not the actual photo)
Woman shares that her 25 Y.O. son’s 18 Y.O. girlfriend spent Christmas together with them at their house
Image credits: Edward Eyer (not the actual photo)
Her mom contacted the woman, thanking her for welcoming her daughter, and expressed her concerns about her daughter drinking at college
She kindly asked her to not let her 18 Y.O. daughter drink alcohol at dinner
Image credits: u/Fit_Departure800
Everything went fine, but the following day, her son called and scolded her for being rude and treating his GF like a child
One Reddit user shared her story to one of the most popular and judgmental communities asking its members if she in fact was being a jerk for not allowing her son’s girlfriend to drink alcohol after her mom requested that she not do so. The post received quite a lot of attention and now it has over 6K upvotes and 1.3K comments.
The author starts her story by saying that her 25-year-old son has a girlfriend who is 18 years old. She said that she is nice, but childish. However, she couldn’t spend Christmas with her family, so OP’s son asked if he could invite her to be with them. Later on, the author received a message from the son's girlfriend's mom thanking her for welcoming her daughter, and they started talking.
The girlfriend’s mom expressed her concerns about her drinking in college and asked the OP not to let her drink alcohol at dinner as well. Later on, OP informed her son and his girlfriend about this, to which the young woman was surprised, but everything went well. Well, until the next day, when OP’s son called and said that she was being rude and shouldn’t have treated his girlfriend like a child.
Community members decided that the woman in fact was not being a jerk in this situation. Folks discussed that the legal drinking age is 21 in the USA, thus OP didn’t do anything wrong. However, the bigger question was why a 25 Y.O. man is dating such a young woman.
“Well, if OP's son doesn't like his mother treating his gf like a child, then he shouldn't date children,” one user wrote. “You are totally in the right. Son needs to date closer to his age if he wants his dates to drink,” another added.
Image credits: Chuotanhls (not the actual photo)
Moreover, Bored Panda got in touch with Dr. Jane Greer, who is a marriage and family therapist. She kindly agreed to share her insights regarding effective communication techniques for resolving conflicts within a family, tips for managing emotions during heated family discussions and how parents can help create a welcoming and inclusive environment for their child's partner within the family.
To begin with, Dr. Jane shares that effective conflict resolution techniques involve a shift in focus. “Instead of striving to make the other person see things your way and proving their perspective wrong, it's essential to prioritize empathy and understanding their point of view,” she says. It's about knowing when to persist and when to let up, rather than obstinately trying to prove a point, and it draws from a skill I discuss in my book, "Am I Lying to Myself."
Instead of trying to prove one person right and the other incorrect, the ultimate goal should be to come to a mutual understanding, agreeing to disagree, and accepting each other's diverse viewpoints. This is an organized method to resolve conflicts.
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Now, when tensions escalate, it’s important to shift away from fixating on the literal content of the conversation and avoid directly clashing personal beliefs and perceptions, as this only fuels anger. Dr. Jane shares that instead, opt for a more observant approach. “Express recognition of the escalating emotions by stating something like, ‘It seems we're all getting quite upset, let's set this topic aside for now and revisit it at a more appropriate time, perhaps not during dinner.’”
And finally, as for how parents can create a welcoming environment for their child’s partner, the therapist says that it starts with being open-minded and receptive when meeting them. This entails making the person feel accepted by engaging in conversation and avoiding judgment.
“For instance, expressing encouragement like, ‘It's great that you're applying to school,’ or ‘It's wonderful that you have that job,’ rather than making negative comments such as, ‘Is that all you're doing?’ or ‘Aren't you thinking about going to school?’ The goal is to acknowledge, support, and accept their decisions and behaviors while avoiding judgment or imposing your own standards!”
And, of course, don’t forget to check out Dr. Jane Greer's website, or follow her on Instagram and Facebook!
So, guys, what do you think about this story? Was this woman treating her son's girlfriend like a child, or was she doing the right thing? Write your thoughts in the comments below!
Redditors backed up the woman but paid more attention to the age differences between her son and his girlfriend
