During a relationship, people learn to like each other’s hobbies and take an interest in their partner’s passions. However, the bond can only grow if both people retain their individuality. If they start to become too alike and are never seen without the other, they’re on the road to codependency.
A Redditor who wanted to avoid that shared how he found the perfect gym and told his girlfriend not to join it. He felt it was important for him to have a space of his own, and he went a bit too far to get time alone.
More info: Reddit
Woman couldn’t find a good gym and asked her BF if she could join his, but he felt so strongly about wanting it to be his space that he told her not to join
Image credits: Humphrey Muleba (not the actual photo)
The man and his GF moved to NYC and were living in a small apartment, but it didn't harm their sense of individuality despite there being less room
Image credits: Vlada Karpovich (not the actual photo)
They both began looking for good gym memberships, and he found one instantly and joined it, since she had been searching and couldn’t find any, she asked to join his
Image credits: Sabel Blanco (not the actual photo)
The guy told her that he’d rather keep the gym a separate space that they each have for themselves, but he later felt guilty because he knew she wanted to be a member
Image credits: anonymous
The poster later realized his mistake, apologized to his GF, and told her that he’d use the referral credits he gets if she signs up to take her for a nice dinner
Maintaining a sense of individuality in a relationship is more important than most people realize. When both partners keep developing as individuals and foster their own growth, their bond becomes even stronger. Prioritizing one’s own identity can also bring an added level of fulfillment and self-confidence to one's life.
As the OP shared in his post, he and his girlfriend believe in having a balanced relationship where they spend time together and foster their interests separately. The only problem is that once they shifted from Colorado to New York, they ended up in a smaller apartment. Hence, they were probably spending a lot more time together in close quarters. This made the man feel like he needed some space, or a “personal getaway,” as he put it. Soon, he realized that a new gym would be just the place to serve as a haven to get some alone time.
Psychologists say that couples with moderate autonomy levels do better than most. A person’s family and culture can also influence their feelings about closeness and individuality. That’s why when couples come together, it’s important for them to first discuss their expectations about how they will spend time together.
In this situation, the man felt strongly about getting alone time at the gym and considered it a safe space for himself. However, neither partner had a prior discussion about the decision, which is why his girlfriend felt disappointed when he told her about it. He even said that he later felt guilty because she still hadn’t found a good gym to go to.
Luckily, the guy later realized his faux pas and made things right with his partner. He also clarified that he wasn’t gatekeeping the gym just so he could look at women. His idea behind it was to get a space for himself. So he apologized to his partner and found a way to make it up to her, as well as okaying her to attend the very same gym. We all love folks who can admit to their mistakes!
Image credits: Kyle Broad (not the actual photo)
It’s essential for people in relationships to have their own spaces or hobbies that can fill their life with peace. The gym can also be a good place for that. As commenters pointed out, the couple could simply go at different times. That’s one way they could get time alone without stepping on each other's toes or having to stop the other person from going.
As this couple eventually figured out, stating your needs and talking to your partner about how they can support your individuality is the best way for a relationship to flourish. This is a good way for people to collaboratively decide how to make time for each other and themselves. It can ultimately save their bond.
Bored Panda reached out to the original poster, who wished to stay anonymous, and he gave an update on his relationship. The author said, “We are still together! Very happily, I might add - we’re recently engaged! We both also still go to the same gym in question - on completely different schedules. We’ve never run into each other there and whenever I go, it still feels like a nice spot for some alone time despite her also being a member. I also told her about the post shortly after I wrote it and how much unexpected attention it got. She loved reading it and all the comments. We were both able to laugh about it together.”
Netizens also called the guy out on his behavior, but he eventually realized his mistake and made things right. He told us how he felt about their responses, saying: “I’m fine with the verdict. At first, it can be a bit overwhelming. Some people are a bit aggressive with their commentary, in my opinion, but once you can sit back and sort of digest some of the more constructive comments, I actually found the responses to be quite helpful.”
“It helped me realize what I was doing, apologize to my GF, and try to make it right. To me that’s the point in posting in that sub. You gotta be ready to hear that you might be the [jerk]. If you’re not ready to hear that, then r/AITA isn’t for you! You need to be ready to receive some criticism, and more importantly, take the appropriate action,” he added. It definitely shows a lot of maturity on his part!
Now, it’s time for you to share some tips in the comments about how you retain your uniqueness in relationships.
People called the guy a jerk for stopping his partner from joining his gym and asked why they simply couldn’t go at different times
