It’s safe to assume that most people have had to experience what it’s like receiving negative comments. Be it bullying in school, involving yourself in a heated argument as an adult, or any other scenario, for that matter, they are rarely ever easy to hear.
But it gets infinitely worse when the negative things come from a loved one’s mouth. That exact situation was what caused the fight between this redditor and his partner, causing several netizens to call the former an idiot. Scroll down to find the full story below, where you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with relationship intelligence expert, Railey Molinario.
It’s not fun being insulted by anyone, but receiving nasty comments from a partner can feel exceptionally painful
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
This couple got into a fight over the boyfriend's comments about his partner’s style
Image credits: Valeriia Miller (not the actual photo)
Image source: Beneficial-Umpire270
“Criticism should never come from a place of shame or superiority,” expert says
Needless to say, being called “old and dumpy” is unlikely to work like social glue in any relationship, not to mention a romantic one. From our partners, we usually expect love and kindness, or to be treated with respect at the very least, so when they use hurtful words to get their point across, it can significantly influence the well-being of both the insulted partner and the relationship.
“Criticism should never come from a place of shame or superiority,” says relationship intelligence expert, Railey Molinario. Emphasizing the importance of communicating with clarity and care, she suggested that partners should aim to express preferences through open dialogue rooted in respect and curiosity. “For example, ‘I Love the way your eyes light up when you wear color’ invites connection, while ‘you look dumpy in black’ creates disconnection. Intentional, kind communication builds trust rather than breaking it.”
In a recent interview with Bored Panda, the expert noted that a partner’s opinion carries a lot of weight. “In a thriving relationship, we want to be seen with love. Our partners’ words shape how we see ourselves. When someone we trust and are emotionally intimate with makes a comment, especially about something as personal as appearance, it can land deeper than most people realize.”
According to Molinario, negative comments coming from a partner can also be damaging as they disrupt the very foundation of emotional safety. “When those we love speak with criticism instead of compassion, it creates emotional distance, insecurity, and resentment,” she said. “Over time, this chips away at connection, intimacy, and trust. The damage is often not in the words themselves but in the feeling of being unloved, unseen, or unaccepted.”
Words can be extremely hurtful and cause irreparable damage to people’s relationships
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
Delving deeper into the power of hurtful words in a romantic relationship, a licensed marriage and family therapist, April Eldemire, pointed out that some people would never even think of physically hurting their partner; however, words can cause irreparable damage, too.
In a piece for Psychology Today, the expert noted that most of us tend to use words when we're hurt or angry, making verbal outbursts the most common weapon we reach for when emotions run high. But while that can be difficult to do, it’s important to try and catch yourself before saying something hurtful that you might regret the second the words leave your mouth.
“Hurtful words sometimes slip out before you can catch them, but, usually, there is a slight moment of introspection between when you point and aim and the shot from your tongue,” Eldemire wrote. “In these tiny moments, make sure you're checking your words for critical injury potential. Some phrases are extremely difficult to remedy after they've landed.”
Criticizing a person by comparing them to someone else can erode their self-esteem
Image credits: Shane (not the actual photo)
One of the things that are difficult to remedy once they’ve been said is criticizing your partner in comparison to someone else. According to Eldemire, it’s damaging and disrespectful, and can erode one’s self-esteem. The latter is what some netizens under the OP’s post emphasized, too, pointing out that his hurtful words were likely a big blow to the woman’s confidence.
“Comparison is a subtle form of rejection,” Molinario explained. “When we compare our partner to someone else, it suggests that they’re falling short. This can trigger feelings of inadequacy, jealousy, or even shame. It damages how emotionally safe they feel in the relationship. Healthy love is rooted in appreciation, not comparison.”
Many people, no matter the gender, dress in a way that makes them feel confident and comfortable. Their style is usually a conscious choice, which best represents their taste and what they believe fits them best. So, when a person—and not just any person, but a loved one—criticizes their look, especially in comparison to someone whose style they might not be a fan of, it can be especially hurtful to hear.
The relationship expert emphasized that words are a powerful thing. “In a relationship, they can be used as tools to build love or as weapons that break it down. What we say—and how we say it—matters. A truly thriving relationship is one where both people feel celebrated, supported, and safe being fully themselves. That begins with conscious, compassionate communication.”
The netizen answers some of the people’s comments
People didn’t keep their opinions to themselves, several called the OP an idiot
