Having family members around that can help with childcare can be a huge blessing. It allows the little ones to grow closer to their relatives, while letting Mom and Dad rest easy, as they know their kiddos are in good hands. But should the oldest child in a household be recruited to look after their younger siblings?
One man vehemently refuses to take on the role of family babysitter. Below, you’ll find a story that this 18-year-old recently posted on Reddit detailing how his parents begged him to watch his brother and sister, as well as some of the replies invested readers shared.
It can be tempting for parents to enlist the help of their oldest children when in need of childcare
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
But this man wants absolutely no part in babysitting his rambunctious siblings
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Minh Ngọc / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Ok_Resort4901
It's extremely common for parents to treat their children differently
According to Dr. Gabor Maté, “No two kids are raised in the same family, no two children have the same parents.” And in this case, it seems extremely clear. How the author was treated growing up and the environment that he was raised in was very different from what his younger siblings are experiencing today. But just because that’s a common experience to have doesn’t mean that it isn’t harmful.
For example, raising children differently while in the same household often means that someone is being shown favoritism. And East Lake Pediatrics warns that parental favoritism can cause “jealousy, resentment and long-term emotional distance” in families. This can greatly impact children’s self-esteem as well, as favored kids may develop an inflated sense of self, while their siblings may feel like they’re never enough.
Favoritism in a household can also have a lifelong impact on siblings as they grow up. Those who weren’t Mom and Dad’s favorite may develop trust issues, a fear of abandonment or struggle forming healthy bonds in adulthood.
While it can understandably be challenging raising children with a large age gap, it’s important for parents to remember that all of their kids matter equally. Even though one or two may be younger and require more attention, all children need love and affection. And they will certainly notice when they’re not getting enough.
Now, when it comes to enlisting the help of older siblings to babysit the youngest family members, not all parents will feel the same way about how appropriate that is. On one hand, this can be extremely convenient for moms and dads. It can also be a great way for the oldest child to take on some additional responsibility and earn a little cash.
Image credits: Jordan González / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Expecting the oldest child to take on the role of babysitter isn't always fair
But it’s not really a child’s responsibility to watch their siblings, even if there is a significant age difference between them. Brigette Marshall wrote a piece for The Everymom explaining why she won’t be making her oldest babysit their younger siblings, first noting that her daughter had no say in the large age gap. It’s not exactly fair to give her a job based solely on something that was completely out of her control.
Next, Marshall points out that babysitting is actually a lot of work. It’s not just keeping an eye on a child, it’s also preparing food for them, playing games with them, entertaining them and cleaning up after them. It means that the younger sibling gets to spend that time however they like, while the older sibling can’t.
If parents are concerned about teaching their kids responsibility, Marshall says there are plenty of other ways to go about it. Children can be assigned chores to complete each day or week, and these don’t have to be solely limited to the oldest child. They can find age appropriate tasks for each kid.
It’s not always easy for parents to juggle having a great relationship with all of their children, but it’s imperative that they try. Otherwise, they might cause their oldest child to have a strained relationship with their siblings and move out at the very first opportunity they get.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments, pandas. Do you think this man did anything wrong by refusing to babysit his brother and sister? Then, if you want to read another Bored Panda article discussing similar babysitting drama, look no further than right here.
Readers unanimously sided with the author, noting that he had every right to set boundaries, and he joined in on the conversation
