Your school days might seem like they were a lifetime ago. Trying to remember what the cafeteria looked like, what you wore during P.E. and which locker was yours can feel like an impossible task. But unfortunately, if you had any terrible experiences on the school playground, you can probably remember those moments like they were yesterday.
One man who was mercilessly bullied in school wanted nothing more than to simply forget the man who tortured him. But years later, he was contacted and asked to contribute to the bully’s medical bills. Below, you’ll find the full story that was posted on Reddit, as well as a conversation with Anna Mendez, Executive Director at the National Association of People Against Bullying.
After having a difficult time in high school, this man went on to have an extremely successful career
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But one day, he received a message asking to help a former classmate that he wanted nothing to do with
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Later, the man clarified some details about his situation and responded to replies readers shared
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One fifth of all students report that they’ve experienced bullying
While not all children love sitting in class and learning for 7 hours a day, there are many aspects of school that can make it a positive experience. Getting to see your closest friends every day, being able to participate in extracurricular activities and excelling in academics can make it all worthwhile.
However, there are some parts that can turn school into hell on earth as well. Disgusting cafeteria food, embarrassing moments in front of peers and cruel bullies can make students want to fake illnesses multiple times a month. And sadly, bullying is more common than many adults realize.
According to the National Center for Educational Statistics, one fifth of all students report being bullied. And this isn’t usually a one-time occurrence, as 41% of bullying victims expect it to happen again. Nearly half of bullied students say that they did report the incident to an adult at their school, but unfortunately, that doesn’t always put an end to the behavior.
Male students are more likely to be bullied physically, while female students are more likely to report being the subjects of gossip and rumors or being intentionally excluded from activities. And when it comes to what bullies choose to target, students report that taunting often targets their physical appearance, race or ethnicity, gender, disabilities, religion and/or their sexual orientation.
As far as where this bullying is taking place, students say the most common locations are in the hallway or stairwell at school, in classrooms, in the cafeteria, outside on school grounds, online or via text, in bathrooms and locker rooms and on school buses.
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"The effects of bullying, especially when left untreated, can last a lifetime for both the victim and the bully"
To learn more about bullying and the impacts it has on victims, we reached out to Anna Mendez, Executive Director at the National Association of People Against Bullying, who was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda.
First, we wanted to know why bullying is so common. "Children learn from adults," Anna says. "While bullying has been present on school grounds for ages, in recent years we have seen an exponential rise in requests for assistance."
The expert also explained how bullying can affect victims. "Bullying is abuse perpetrated on children by children. It can cause post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and leaves lasting effects on both the bully and the victim," Anna shared. "The effects of bullying, especially when left untreated, can last a lifetime for both the victim and the bully. It can affect the victim’s future adult relationships and even their careers."
We also asked Anna if it's important for victims to forgive their bullies at some point. "One of the most healing experiences for both the bully and the victim is for the bully to apologize," she noted. "The apology should consist of three parts: clearly acknowledge the transgression, apologize for it, and commit that it will never happen again."
But Anna says that the concept of forgiveness is complex. "The victim of the abuse, who has already experienced trauma from the events and trying to heal, should never be demanded to simply forgive, as it can result in additional injustice against the victim," she explained. "Rather, the victim should be encouraged to understand that the abuse did not happen because of something they did wrong."
"It is never too late for bullies to seek help and ask for forgiveness"
"We have to remember the cycle of abuse. The bully’s hostile attacks are often caused by something else going on in the bully’s life and the need for the bully to act out their anger on someone else," the expert continued. "After the apology, the forgiveness, the softening of the negative impact the abuse has had on the victim and the possibility that their pain they have suffered has lessened, the forgiveness may then happen over time."
"Victims of abuse need to remember that this was not their fault, and they can turn pain into purpose by helping others that could be experiencing the same phenomenon," Anna added. "Our foundation helps students begin student led anti-bullying clubs on their campuses. It is never too late for bullies to seek help and ask for forgiveness."
Finally, the expert says it's important for bullies, and parents of bullies, to understand that they need help. "School yard bullies are much more likely to be incarcerated when they become adults than the general population. No one wants this in their child’s future," Anna shared.
"If parents receive calls from school administrators telling them their child is bullying, parents should take steps to get their children into counseling or even look within their homes at their own behaviors that they may be modeling for their child," she noted. "By doing so, they may be helping their child avoid guilt, pain and self-hate later in their lives and could prevent dangerous acts of violence against themselves or others."
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this man should have contributed to his former bully’s medical bills? Then, you can find another Bored Panda article discussing similar issues right here!
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Many readers sided with the author, and he joined in on the conversation to share even more details
However, not everyone agreed with how the man reacted
