I've been in a relationship with my partner for nearly 3 years. It's been a rocky road, to say the least, but we managed to stabilize and sort out our differences in 90% of cases.
The big "no" from me is the fact that every week he's meeting with his friend. To play games, drink/smoke. I have a huge problem with that and it makes me sick to my stomach from stress. I know this guy, and my bf is saying that I should trust him and that he's not doing anything bad, just socializing.
Months ago along with him, there was another woman meeting with my bf's girlfriend, at the same time my bf was there. I know her from work, we used to be on really good terms with her.
Whenever I've asked him if she's always there when he is, he would become irritated and defensive. Again, he's not doing anything, I should trust him. I wasn't OK with that, but it was clear, he's not going to stop going there on regular basis.
A couple of months ago, he's had a medical emergency and ended up in ICU for a couple of days. I know it was low of me, but I checked his work messages. Long story short, he was giving this woman lifts to his friend's house, calling her beautiful, chatting about her relationship, etc.
I was f***** devastated. We live together, I just wanted to throw everything out of the window and myself with it. Literally considered and planned a suicide. He came back. Angry that I wasn't so attentive to his needs, nor chatty.
I've confronted him, asked to show me his phone. He deleted the messages. Started poorly explaining himself. I don't know why, but I convinced myself to stay.
She's supposedly not going there anymore, as her bf doesn't like it. I freaking hate him going there, but he still is. My feelings are not valid enough to make him stop.
The friend that he is visiting told him specifically not to bring me with him.
Please. Help. Advice. Anything.
#1
I am so sorry that you have to go through that. It makes sense that you don't want your bf to go there. You could tell him that it makes you uncomfortable when he goes there. If he is a good boyfriend, he would do what he can to make it better for you, whether that means you can go with him, he doesn't go or whatever you choose.
0points
#2
I am sorry for you! You are not the A because you can‘t help how you feel about your bf‘s activities but I don‘t think your boyfriend is the A either (as long as he doesn‘t cheat on you).
This idea is old hat but still valid: You can‘t change people. And nobody should change just to please somebody else.
You said „My feelings are not valid enough to make him stop“ visiting his friends. I truly understand that you feel that way, but what if your boyfriend said „My feelings are not valid enough to make you tolerate these visits“?
Don‘t get me wrong, I really don‘t want to say that you should put up with everything your bf does. All your feelings are valid and you deserve to have them respected, but same goes for your boyfriend‘s feelings. His friends are important to him and you have to respect that.
On the other hand: Your boyfriend shouldn‘t shut you out of this part of his life and ignore that you feel so bad.
I think you both have to make compromises.
My suggestion is to explain your feelings to your boyfriend without questioning his love for you. I really hope that you two can work this out!
This idea is old hat but still valid: You can‘t change people. And nobody should change just to please somebody else.
You said „My feelings are not valid enough to make him stop“ visiting his friends. I truly understand that you feel that way, but what if your boyfriend said „My feelings are not valid enough to make you tolerate these visits“?
Don‘t get me wrong, I really don‘t want to say that you should put up with everything your bf does. All your feelings are valid and you deserve to have them respected, but same goes for your boyfriend‘s feelings. His friends are important to him and you have to respect that.
On the other hand: Your boyfriend shouldn‘t shut you out of this part of his life and ignore that you feel so bad.
I think you both have to make compromises.
My suggestion is to explain your feelings to your boyfriend without questioning his love for you. I really hope that you two can work this out!
0points