I’m almost 17, and my boyfriend is 21. We’ve been dating for 5 months, and it’s been going great so far. Our connection is more than I ever thought I deserved, and we treat each other the way people should be treated. We haven’t met in person yet, but we plan to in the near future if possible. I think I just need advice because my parents don’t know, and my friends don’t really like the idea, though they support me because I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I’m not looking for people to tell me to break up with him, so please don’t. Thank you!
#1
The age gap concerns me. You should be asking what a 21 year old wants with a 16 year old. You can dice it any way you want. You're not 17 yet, and even then, that's not right for a grown man to pursue someone underage.
Online relationships, with men from another country, it's not as romantic as it may sound like in your head. I'm in an extreme long distance relationship, and have been for the past 6 years. In the beginning I was on top of the world, very happy, and so certain I would be moving to live with him. Then the "honeymoon" stage fell off with him first and that was like he broke up with me, even though he was settling in the relationship and didn't feel he had to try as hard. It took a long time for me to come to terms that I was being a tad obsessive, very needy and insecure about the relationship. See, these stages of euphoria don't last. The communication and patience are always going to be a challenge in this type of relationship. You have to have ultimate trust with each other and you both have to be very secure with yourselves and understand each other's intent on the relationship. That is so crucial to sort out to make it a success.
I had to go through telling my family about him and how we met. Their reactions and questions were as to be expected: concerned and doubtful at first. But I understood their reasons.
My kid was also in an online, long distance relationship. That ended badly and it turned out both him and his mom lied. You have to be so careful.
If you're at all serious about this, and you should take it serious, you need to tell your folks. I'm not going to tell you they'll come around. They will absolutely make you end the relationship. Be prepared for that. But it could save your life.
Remember, you don't really know this guy. He tells you what you want to hear, and puts on a persona to lure you in. Watch yourself.
It may not be what you want to hear, but it is what you NEED to hear.
Online relationships, with men from another country, it's not as romantic as it may sound like in your head. I'm in an extreme long distance relationship, and have been for the past 6 years. In the beginning I was on top of the world, very happy, and so certain I would be moving to live with him. Then the "honeymoon" stage fell off with him first and that was like he broke up with me, even though he was settling in the relationship and didn't feel he had to try as hard. It took a long time for me to come to terms that I was being a tad obsessive, very needy and insecure about the relationship. See, these stages of euphoria don't last. The communication and patience are always going to be a challenge in this type of relationship. You have to have ultimate trust with each other and you both have to be very secure with yourselves and understand each other's intent on the relationship. That is so crucial to sort out to make it a success.
I had to go through telling my family about him and how we met. Their reactions and questions were as to be expected: concerned and doubtful at first. But I understood their reasons.
My kid was also in an online, long distance relationship. That ended badly and it turned out both him and his mom lied. You have to be so careful.
If you're at all serious about this, and you should take it serious, you need to tell your folks. I'm not going to tell you they'll come around. They will absolutely make you end the relationship. Be prepared for that. But it could save your life.
Remember, you don't really know this guy. He tells you what you want to hear, and puts on a persona to lure you in. Watch yourself.
It may not be what you want to hear, but it is what you NEED to hear.
2points
#2
Are you Valid??? Of course you are valid! You don't need validation for having feelings.
Just be careful. Life online is not always the same as IRL. Sure, there are a lot of horror stories about people that meet on line (especially when in different countries), but there are also many happy stories.
The concern is the age difference. At your age 6 years is a LOT, in your 30's or 40's, it's not a lot (my wife is 5.5 years older than me). As someone that was once a 16 year old AND a 21yo man, I urge caution. Where someone's head is when they are 16 is very different from where it will be when they are 21, and almost foreign from where it will be when they are even older. Just think about how different you are now from when you were 12, and that's only 4 years ago.
A 21yo guy is on the cusp of being a fully fledged adult, they are at that point where they have to start taking responsibility for their lives, and many try so hard to hold on to those late teenage years that were fun, and a younger girl might just keep that illusion going
When I was 20, I dated a girl that was 17 (only 3 years difference, but still a lot). I got a lot of stick from my mates ('What's up, can't find a girl your own age?'), but we lasted a good few years and even ended up lived together. We had a lot of fun, and generally had a good relationship. But as we grew, we realised we had a lot of issues, and a number of those were due to the maturity difference. We're still in touch (occasionally) and I think both look back at our time fondly, but both agree that we would have probably have turn out better, a lot sooner, had we not dated, because we would have matured at our own rate.
Whatever you do, listen to your friends. Their gut feelings will still be working (yours have been replaced with butterflies).
You're gonna have to tell your parents at some point. Don't even think about running off with this guy! Heck, I'll fecking track you down for them!
If you promise to be safe, and maintain good communication with them, there is a small chance that they will let you proceed (still not too likely, because they care more about your safety than your happiness).
And for Fecks sake, don't be rushed into anything you're not physically ready for, on the subject of which, use protection! Last thing you need is an STD.
Be safe and good luck to you.
Just be careful. Life online is not always the same as IRL. Sure, there are a lot of horror stories about people that meet on line (especially when in different countries), but there are also many happy stories.
The concern is the age difference. At your age 6 years is a LOT, in your 30's or 40's, it's not a lot (my wife is 5.5 years older than me). As someone that was once a 16 year old AND a 21yo man, I urge caution. Where someone's head is when they are 16 is very different from where it will be when they are 21, and almost foreign from where it will be when they are even older. Just think about how different you are now from when you were 12, and that's only 4 years ago.
A 21yo guy is on the cusp of being a fully fledged adult, they are at that point where they have to start taking responsibility for their lives, and many try so hard to hold on to those late teenage years that were fun, and a younger girl might just keep that illusion going
When I was 20, I dated a girl that was 17 (only 3 years difference, but still a lot). I got a lot of stick from my mates ('What's up, can't find a girl your own age?'), but we lasted a good few years and even ended up lived together. We had a lot of fun, and generally had a good relationship. But as we grew, we realised we had a lot of issues, and a number of those were due to the maturity difference. We're still in touch (occasionally) and I think both look back at our time fondly, but both agree that we would have probably have turn out better, a lot sooner, had we not dated, because we would have matured at our own rate.
Whatever you do, listen to your friends. Their gut feelings will still be working (yours have been replaced with butterflies).
You're gonna have to tell your parents at some point. Don't even think about running off with this guy! Heck, I'll fecking track you down for them!
If you promise to be safe, and maintain good communication with them, there is a small chance that they will let you proceed (still not too likely, because they care more about your safety than your happiness).
And for Fecks sake, don't be rushed into anything you're not physically ready for, on the subject of which, use protection! Last thing you need is an STD.
Be safe and good luck to you.
1point
#3
I'm sorry, but I agree with what several others have said. I don't like the idea of a 16 year old dating a 21 year old. I'm pretty sure that would be considered grooming. If you both were adults, the age gap would be fine. But you are a teenager. He is an adult. As someone very close to your age, I can say that a teenager's mind is not very mature most of the time. Definitely not mature enough to be with a 21 year old. Please, at least tell your parents about this. This situation is concerning to me, and I could see it not ending very well.
1point
#4
I have the same thing! I have the same thing, but the guy is my crush. He's 16 and I'm almost 14. (bday 9th Oct btw) So if you truly love this guy then I give you my permission to carry on dating him :) If you are happy, happy with that connection, then carry on dating him! No-one is going to force you to breakup with him right?
Carry on with your fantastic relationship!
Carry on with your fantastic relationship!
0points