Hey Pandas, Give Me Your Best Roast (Closed)

I’ve met some pricks in my time, but you my friend are a f*****g cactus

"If laughter is the best medicine, you're face is curing the world"

An Aussie said, “Take away your snow capped mountains, culture, and good food, and what would New Zealand be?”
The kiwi answered, “Australia”.

"You're so stupid that you could climb a tree once and fall twice."

You are the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo!

How many Aussies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three. One to hold the bulb and two to turn the ladder.

Them: you are so ugly
Me: TY ,I TRIED MY BEST TO LOOK LIKE YOU

If I wanted to kill myself I would jump from your ego to your IQ.

I’d rather eat s**t than vote for trump

A British man is visiting Australia. The customs agent asks him, “Do you have a criminal record?” The British man replies, “I didn’t think you needed one to get into Australia anymore.”

Why is Australia such a dry country?
We don’t have a king or queen to reign on it.

Hey! Can someone put a lid on this trash can already?

Them: *rolls eyes*
Me: keep rolling those eyes you might find a brain back there.

Spiders wouldn’t bite you

Even Trump would f**k you

He has a face like a dropped pie

When someone says I look familiar, I say ‘I do porn’

You’re a few pancakes short of an already short stack

My fish have more common sense than Americans

You have a face like a smacked bum